Monday, November 07, 2011

Family Blending

 My grandmother and my mother!

Family. According to Wikipedia:

"In human context, a family (from Latin: familia) is a group of people affiliated by consanguinity, affinity, or co-residence. In most societies it is the principal institution for the socialization of children. Extended from the human "family unit" by biological-cultural affinity, marriage, economy, culture, tradition, honour, and friendship are concepts of family that are physical and metaphorical, or that grow increasingly inclusive extending to community, village, city, region, nationhood, global village and humanism. A family group consisting of a father, mother and their children is called a nuclear family. This term can be contrasted with an extended family."

So according to this definition, there is no mention of love or fondness for each other. There is not a word of liking each other or sharing the same beliefs or concerns. Growing up in the same house with the same parents does not make any guarantee that brothers and sisters will be close or even love each other. Not necessarily alike, but maybe at least care about each other, and be to nice to each other. Not say hurtful things to or about them.

My grandmother, uncles, aunts & cousins!
I am the first one on front row!

It is not just my family that has had issues. More families have trouble getting along than you know. I think it is really common. If your family gets along and loves each other when the children grow up.......then thank your lucky stars! I have talked to so many people complaining about their families. Now the holidays are coming up, and people start worrying about those holiday dinners spent with family members who don't get along with others.

Why do people say things that hurt others without even thinking about the other person's feelings? Doesn't anyone care anymore? Are people that selfish nowadays? No wonder so many people move across the country, or the world, without a second thought! They are probably glad to get away.

One person in a family can create this situation. One person's jealousy of others. Or one person marries into a family and changes that family forever. Instead of joining the family and being a part of it, the person drives a wedge into a family. It is never the same after that. Sometimes it causes the family member who marries that person to change too. One of my husband's favorite sayings is, "You are your environment." That is so true!

My mother holding my son in 1970!

I think what may happen is that each person carries the baggage of their family. Then they marry and their baggage.........beliefs, thoughts, hang ups, does not blend into the family they have married into. So it starts a  disruption. It becomes bigger as the years go by. If the family has many new people who have married into their family, it has a snowball effect over the years.

Pretty soon it becomes one family against the other within one whole family. So how can they get along? Is it ever possible? You can get along with some of the members and not others. My conclusion is to tolerate those members at weddings and funerals. Don't go to their family dinners or celebrations. Don't invite them to your home or holidays. Distance yourself from them. Why? Life is too short to spend time worrying about those snide remarks. Life is too short to ruin your family holidays and celebrations. In the long run, it is their lost. Those years apart away from the members of your family can never be brought back. Sad.

Copyright © 2011 Kathleen G. Lupole
All Photographs Copyright © 2011  Kathleen G. Lupole

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