Losing myself was easy to do,
just following along, living in the moment,
not remembering what I was about.
Not making goals of my own,
or plans, I had forgotten,
for good it seemed, never mentioned again.
At times I glimpsed those dreams, in times of sadness,
a sadness that never completely left.
I wondered why, when I had it all,
or so I thought at that time,
my life had changed and I felt abandoned.
Instead of crying over what was,
or what had changed, or why.
I decided to make my life
the way I choose, now.
Not to sit and cry or be sad,
take those steps and break away.
Cut that rope that binds me, as soon as I can.
Make my own life by myself,
dependent on no one.
Bring back my health, I know I can.
Build my friend network and laugh again,
laugh with friends, laugh with cousins,
have some fun for a change.
I am done with being sad forever,
for never having a friend,
or just not having a free day
a day to do what I want without
worrying about what someone else will say
I am done with watching my words
to not say something in a tone of voice
that someone might take the wrong way
Hoping for freedom from this life,
wishing it would come tomorrow.
I need to find myself and in doing so,
I will find happiness once again.
Once I started working on a plan,
I got excited to think I could do this.
It is really going to happen.
Now nothing will deter me as the time nears,
sorry to cause pain and hurt in doing so.
but I must do what I must do.
Have to stop putting my life on hold,
because of feeling sorry for someone.
My life was wasting away,
day by day, locked in a prison of despair.
Now I have something look forward to,
a life of joy and independence.
I can't wait.
Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole
All Photographs Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole