For almost my whole life, I never lived alone. I used to imagine what it would be like. To not have to make compromises or do things the way someone else tells you or expects you to do. To be free and independent comes with a price tag, at least for me it does. It is learning to not count on anyone else to share things with or to talk to at those times when you want to talk. It is at those times when I most miss living with someone. I realize I need to give it time and gradually, I will adjust. There are many people in my life who I can talk with, but I was never a phone person. Picking up the phone to call someone just to talk is not at all something I would do. Sometimes I just want to know someone is there and cares what is happening to me. I remember my father had said to my mother that when she dies, no one will ask him what his blood sugar reading was that morning and even care what it was. I have only been alone a little over three months now. For most of the time I was busy organizing and decorating my apartment. Now it is time for me to branch out to my new community.
|Norwich Post Office|
I have been taking some walks around my neighborhood and down the street. I wanted to see that I could make it to the post office so I could purchase money orders there to pay my rent. I was able to and I walked around a bit afterwards. So I see that I can get there and back on my own. Not sure what it will be like in the winter with snow on the sidewalk and how my rolling walker will do then. I will figure something out. When I was out walking though, I met a man who is the editor of the Journal of the Chenango County Historical Society. He talked to me for quite awhile. He wants me to write something about the area I used to live in. I know a lot about the history of the area. Mainly because there wasn't much information about it when I was researching it. Just getting started on this project. I am excited about it. Very strange to me that I would just meet someone on the street like that!
|City Parking Lot in Norwich, NY|
In my life now, I have the time to devote to friendships, family and other projects and hobbies that I did not have time for before. When you are living alone there are so many things that you could not do when you are living with others. If you are not hungry, there is no one else you have to worry about. If you want to sleep all day and stay up all night, there is no problem. It will not affect anyone else. If I want to bring home a kitten or another rabbit, it is up to me only. Nobody to ask or beg because I can do what I choose. Life will be what I want to do when I want to do it and with whom. Nobody to ask permission of and I will never allow myself to lose control of my own life again. One thing I will never do and that is live my life dependent on another person for financial or emotional support. It gives them the control over you and your freedom and independence.
That is not to say I do not want romance in my life, even at my age. I want it, I enjoy it and sharing a part of my life with someone else. As long as it is someone I can trust, have fun with, laugh together and love, yes, love too. Just because you care for someone and love them does not mean you let them take over your life or give up your freedom. It is as Billy Joel sang in one of his hit songs, it is a matter of trust. "But wait," you say, "I thought you don't want to answer to another person?" No, I don't. But if I have a committed relationship that is exclusive to one person, I would not be doing anything to violate that trust. Nor would he. Living alone, that trust would still stand. Does that mean I would never live with another man? Now I can't answer that right now. I change my mind constantly, so all I can say is that it is not set in stone.
|The Guernsey Memorial Library|
If you have been living alone for a long time, you probably think I am a bit over dramatic, but the truth is, if you have been married for a very long time and always lived with someone, it is a very different life, this living alone life. I have always been quite introverted and usually had a small handful of friends instead of a large group, My hobbies are basically things like genealogy, online research, shopping and social media, reading, writing, music, photography and my pets. I still have plenty to keep me busy and living in a new city has been fun for me. Exploring everything nearby, within walking distance. A bonus is the library is directly across the street! So I have plenty to keep me busy here. I have many more plans and goals to reach that I needed to be living here to do. I will get to them, one at a time.......little steps.