There are many resources in place for the aging population in our country. I can't speak for other states, but New York state has agencies with services to assist you in aging in place at home. Being as independent as possible. I wish I had known about these years ago and could have found help for my parents. My mother had become bedridden and my father had to do everything with only help from their granddaughter and myself. It was tough on him, but he still lived to be 93 years old and pretty much independent. One important fact I have learned is that if you need or want assistance, you must ask for it! Yes, you have to make the calls and set up appointments on your own.
Now I know many people are scared if you are getting help in your home. They think the next step is moving you into a nursing home. No, that is not what happens at all. I know when I worked in nursing homes we were told that we were seeing the smallest population of the elderly. Many more were living in their own homes independently or in retirement communities. In this time period, the baby boomers are the largest population of senior citizens. Keeping them in their own homes makes more sense. A situation I saw in nursing homes was that a person who lived in their own home might not be able to take care of themselves, let alone their home. That would be the reason they might be taken to a nursing home. Because by then one of them might be needing more care. Their homes could be unsanitary and may have contributed to their health breaking down.
What about the families of the elderly? Well, as you may know, many families have split up. They are living all over the country and may not even see each other on a regular basis. Or they are busy with their life. Working jobs that entail long hours and barely enough time to be at their own homes. And face it, some people just do not care to visit their parents or check up on them to see if they need help. If they talk to them on the phone, the parents do not want to complain or ask for help. Not from their kids! They feel they should be helping them not the other way around. I know that too well. I would go to my parents' home at least once a week to give my mother a bath and do her hair. I would color her hair once a month or so. She would cry that she should be doing for me not the other way around. I always told her she already did for me, now it was my turn. To be honest, even though we were always quite close, the conversations we had at this time were very meaningful to me. I treasure them always, as she has been gone now for going on 18 years.
Another thing that can happen if one of a couple does go into a nursing home due to their health condition and need constant care is the one left at home is now alone. Sometimes the one left at home is not able to do all their spouse had been doing before their illness. Going back and forth between nursing home visits, caring for their home, maybe pets too and their self, guess what gets neglected? Yes, their self! Obviously they will already be depressed over their spouse not being home and not knowing whether they will die or not. I can't speak for all states, but in the state I live, New York, there is help for all of these situations. Obviously, income levels make a difference to qualify for each type of service. Often you will qualify even if you believe your income level is too high. They factor in all kinds of expenses to help you qualify.
If a spouse passes away, some people will not have enough money to live the way they were used to. I have seen many different situations where the surviving spouse was left with Social Security only. In these times of multiple marriages and children there are a lot of cases of the children not wanting to share with the stepparent. If you own a house or have a nest egg, take care of the kids before it comes to this. Even if you do, your own children can become monsters when you die. I would recommend having a family dinner and video taping the whole thing. Tell your family right then and there what will happen after you die and what is to be expected. Then go around the table and ask each and every person if they understand or have any objections. If they do, voice them right now. You can address them in front of the family and on the video. You may think that is overboard, but believe me it is not. No secrets at this time is important.
I have seen families split up over this type of thing. The weird thing is the children may have treated their stepparent very well for years and never had a problem. Until their parent passed away and left the stepparent a house and some money. Some children never come around their parents until they are dying to make sure they get their share. Even if one of their sibling took care of their parents for many years. I would have that family dinner even if there is no stepparent situation. A split in your family after you are gone due to inheritance will cause a split that lasts forever. I know this for a fact, I have two of those splits in my own family. I will be addressing this topic in upcoming blog posts on this blog. I will try to give you an idea of what type of resources exist and maybe that will give you an idea of how to start in your area. Hopefully it will be of help to someone who is thinking about what would happen. Stay tuned........
