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My life before I got into the homesteading lifestyle was much different. For many years, I lived in a beautiful home and drove beautiful cars. I went on vacations, belonged to a health club, regularly had manicures and hair appointments. I did not worry too much about the price when I spent a day shopping at our local mall. Spending the week-ends or a week or two at a resort in the Catskills, at Long Beach in NY or out at Fire Island were my routine. My son and I went out to dinner several times a week with my husband at that time (Jeff's father). Even with all that, life was not really that great. I always felt my husband made all the decisions. I felt like I had lost myself and who I was. You know, like deep down.
It took me many years since then to discover myself again. The homesteading lifestyle derailed me for a time. It was not for me. It was too hard. Too expensive. Too depressing. I tried to love it. I wrote about it and learned about it. Maybe if my husband had loved it too or wanted it as much as I did. I thought he did in the beginning. I figured this lifestyle is what I've got, so might as well make the best of it. I could not stick it out for the rest of my life. I just could not. Not for my own sanity. Not for my horses' lives. I had online friends who I felt turned on me. I don't really know for sure, but people I thought of as friends who deleted me and blocked me. Or ignored me. They stayed friends with my husband. I couldn't help but feel that they judged me for leaving, for giving up the homesteading life. They did not live in my house and see the true story. They will never know it.
Now I have been here on my own for almost two years and I am discovering me! Slowly, but surely finding my way again. After so many years of not being able to do things that everyone takes for granted, I am enjoying life again. I remember a few years back asking, "What is fun?" I didn't know what it felt like at that point. I lost the memory of it. I know now. I have fun quite often. I recommend to anyone, man or woman, living in an unhappy situation to change it as soon as possible. Life is too short to be miserable. Don't make your happiness dependent on another person. Someday, you may be alone. Find your own happiness and if you have someone to share it with, that is wonderful. If not, you can still have a happy life.
My tips for creating a happy life are:
1. A home. Wherever you live make your home inviting to you. Even if it is just a room in your parents' house. Do not let it be cluttered because that affects your frame of mind. I know this from first hand experience. I have lived both ways in my life and every time I was in a cluttered home, I was depressed. Throw everything out and clean it. Then decorate it.
2. Cook! Yes, cooking your food adds to the happiness factor. The routine of shopping for your food, preparing it and eating, is a way of showing how much you love yourself. You can share your meal, but you don't have to. I like to try new recipes and methods of cooking. It is fun (yes, that fun word again) and then comparing notes with your friends who cook too.
3. Music. Music has always been something I love. I like all kinds of music so not stuck in one genre means I am open to listening to new music. I play CD's almost daily and it always turns my mood up a notch or two. Try it! It is better than watching television.
4. Reading. I do not know how I would survive without the option of reading books. Now most of my books are eBooks on my Kindle. And that has made me read even more. I had gotten where I could not read very well because of my eyes and I lived in a dark house. Now I can read whenever I want and have plenty of lights.
5. Love. Well, I cannot ignore love and the importance it plays in our lives. I was soured on love. I had no expectations of finding love or being in love ever again. Some people have to have a love relationship in their lives. I don't know about myself, as I have never had a long enough period in my life ever, of being alone without a relationship. I really do not go looking for one. It just happens. As it has again. It does make you enjoy life a lot more. BUT you do not need a relationship to be happy and enjoy your life. I do not want to say anything more about that. I don't want to jinx it.
6. Family. I do not have a large immediate family. Just my son who lives a couple of blocks away. I have a brother but we do not see each other very often. I love all my many cousins, but my relationships with them is mostly online. I am always hoping to see them, but haven't been able to do that yet. If you do not have a family, you can always spend time with friends and after awhile they will become your family.
7. Pets. I would be mistaken if I did not include pets. Pets will make you happy. Yes, they cost money, time and often, stress. But they bring you so much more than that. I think if you are not happy and do not have a pet presently, getting one may change your whole life.
8. Finances. It goes without saying that your finances will affect your ability to be happy or not. Living without any money is no picnic. I know this from my own life. I have lived for too many years without enough money to cover my bills. Now I have been slowly climbing out of that hole I had been in. I am able to afford to do things I could not do before. But you have to start. If you do not at least start, you will never get out. My number one tip on that is to write by hand a budget every single month. Then live by that. If you want to buy something, put it on your budget for the next month. It takes away that cloud you were living under. What a relief!
9.Personal Care. Personal care is something you do not do when you have no money or time or whatever other reason. Personal care is so very important. Yes, you can give yourself a manicure or cut your own hair........BUT that is not the same! To have a professional give you a service they are trained for makes you feel, oh so special! Do those things you have been neglecting. Get your hair cut. Have your nails done. Buy that lipstick. Color your hair. Get dressed up and go out to a nice restaurant. You deserve it and most of all you NEED it. I know this is true because it is what I do now and I never feel guilty.
10. Be true to yourself. Be who you were meant to be. Don't dress to please someone else. Don't go places you do not want to go. Say what you feel. The most important person to please is yourself. It may sound selfish, but you will be a much happier and better person by doing so. For other people in your life, wouldn't they rather be around a cheerful, pleasant person than an old grumpy grouch all the time?
You can make your own list of what you feel, need or want. This is my list and I am positive doing these things in my life have helped me discover the person I was meant to be. If you are not happy with your life, you need to start on it today.
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