Being on social media you cannot help but see how people cannot get along. No wonder there are always wars going on. Crimes being committed. Electing people who lie and cheat to get into office. Is it really human nature? Even churches fight, gossip about each other and lie. Is nobody to be trusted? Or has it been that way right along? Maybe so. That is why there is so much divorce and families splitting up. Putting yourself out on social media draws you in to which position (whatever topic) you want to embrace. It seems you always must choose sides. Another thing I see, especially on forums, and the well know social media platforms, is that nobody knows how to be tactful. Tact does not exist anymore.
This is not just happening online but in real life too. Neighbors, families, friends, everyone is against each other. If you are not the same as me then you are fair game to be attacked. Ganged up on if they can get other people to join them in their attack. The so called experts tell us socialization is good for you, yet it is so hard. Life is hard enough as it is. Bullying is especially popular. Yet there is a big movement to stop bullying..........but the reality is that bullying is alive and well, right in our own government. People see it happening there and say, "Oh yes, bullying is not right for children but for adults it is the thing to do." And they do. They even encourage it. Reward it.
I am an introvert by nature, but I try to put myself out of my comfort zone to make friends. Pretty soon, I am like the turtle, withdrawing further into my shell. I would rather stay safe and alone than to be part of the group doing the bullying. It has been like that where I live presently. Taking sides against others. Of course, I have resolved to stay far away from this situation and the people instigating it. Nope, not getting involved. Even though I was involved not by choice, but by circumstances. People will fabricate whatever to make others take their sides. For me, knowing the people is all I need. I do not believe things are always as they appear. I have the ability to see below the surface.
You see for me, being alone in my apartment is not a bad situation. I actually prefer being home than going anywhere. I used to enjoy going out to eat but even that is not that enjoyable anymore. Due to dental problems and having to wear a mask I would much rather get take out and bring it home or have it delivered. They say there is a silver cloud for every situation. Maybe mine is that I love my home and living here. I can cook and now I have food. After having many years of trying to stretch food and not having any money for a food budget, my life is a dream come true.
What makes people start trouble or bully others? I don't know what the psychologists would say to that. My opinion is that it comes from people who are miserable or troubled in some way. I might be the center of their attack, but it is not really about me. I get that. Others will say you should offer them help of some sort or try to be friends with them. Nope. Not me. Not doing that. If I could not do that for my niece when I tried those tactics, I am not ever doing it again for anyone. No matter what.
How to deal with those individuals when your paths must cross?
1. Do not argue, cry, raise your voice or lose your temper with the bully.
2. Leave the encounter as quickly as possible but not as if you have given in to the bully.
3. By staying in control you make the bully get madder and look silly to others.
4. Speak if you must say hello, but do not make conversation with the bully.
5. Do not spend any time worrying or crying about the bully. The bully is not worth it.
For a senior citizen, especially for one who is alone, you are vulnerable to being bullied. If you want to make friends in a community and are new, sometimes you are the one targeted by the bully and their group. Or maybe you are new and you see the situation going on but do not want to be the target. So you become friends with the bully and her group. I can see that. When the situation runs it course though, you may end up isolated from the others who were not a part of the bully's group. Most times bullying is related to narcissism and it is best to remember that when dealing with one.
For me, as an introvert, it doesn't bother me to not interact with the others. I miss my friends but I will survive. Heck, I lived many years without any friends, I can do it again.
Copyright © 2021 Kathleen G. Lupole
All Photographs Copyright © 2021 Kathleen G. Lupole
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