Life Gets Me Down At Times

I have learned over the years that when I am down, I am not down low enough. Some circumstance always happens to make it worse, lower or impossible. To be honest, my whole life, not just now, but from the time I was grown up, my life has never been happy or that good. I try to make it sound like I am happy when I write and on social media. It is just a front for the world. Nothing ever has worked out in my favor. I know, you are probably saying, "Oh, that  is not true." It is though. Life has not been good to me. Even the years that I was married to my first husband and didn't have any money worries, my life was miserable. I won't go into why and what he did, but he was a pretty low human being.

When my brother and I were growing up, we didn't have a lot of money but we lived good. My parents both worked and we always had a nice home, two cars and all the conveniences. We had a lot of friends and never any real problems back then. But when I grew up life seemed to be hard for me.I was a single mother for a number of years and truthfully, I was too young for that job. I always say my son and I grew up together. We did, since I got pregnant at 16 and was a mother at 17. Way too young!

I ended up marrying for the first time when my son was 9 years old and I was 27.  Up until then, I had not really wanted to get married or tied down to anyone.I enjoyed my life as a free spirit, as I called myself, when any guy tried to tie me down.  My first husband was a successful local businessman and knew how to impress a young woman. He did. I married him. Yeah, we lived the good life, but I was far from happy with him. At times I felt like he was my father or my keeper instead of my husband. Needless to say, I ended up divorced from him after fourteen years together.

But........life goes on. So it shall now too. My life is in the middle of big changes that I am looking forward to. They are coming and I am making them happen. Nobody else is.

Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole

What Is The Point Anyway?

Not as green or colorful as usual this year with no rain!

I know I have neglected this blog, and all my blogs actually. This blog, on blogger seems to be having some kind of issues and makes it hard to complete my post. I will try to make it through this post. The reasons for neglecting my blog is that I have had much stress in my life in recent months. I am tired of the stress and trying to figure out what to do about each stress point.

It seems that we keep getting hit with bad times, one after the other. We have no way out of these problems. It is easy for others to tell you why or how or what you should have done. Or they say that bad times doesn't last. But for us, they do. If a problem happened that I could fix, it would be so much easier. But I can't. It has been making me think about alternatives to this life. No matter how hard I try, I cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe I am not meant to be a homesteader. It is a hard life. It has never become any easier for us. It should have gotten easier as time went by. Instead it has gotten to be too much

I have struggled over the years trying to make a living online. Selling my husband's music cd, selling my eBooks, selling ads on my blogs, writing paid posts on my blogs, selling one eBay, Bonanza, Amazon, craigslist, and putting affiliate ads on my blogs. Trying to sell guitar strings was the hardest of all, mostly because we bought inventory of quality strings, thinking that with all the guitar players in the world, someone would need strings. Now I am tired of that too. Trying to sell online when others sell the exact same thing  way below our cost. What is the point?

I am not sure what I am going to be doing. Right now, I feel change in the air for me. My son will be moving into his own apartment soon. Then I will see what is going to happen here.

Copyright © 2012 Kathleen G. Lupole
All Photographs Copyright © 2012  Kathleen G. Lupole