On My Walk Yesterday

Snow melting in the forest

 On my walk yesterday in the forest I visited my critters' graves. It is not as well cared for as it once was. My husband took good care of it, but in the last few years not so much. I guess he got tired of it. The land behind it was bought and made into a hunting camp. He does not mow the path to it anymore or go out that far now. It was promised to be sold to us but the guy who owned it, a local politician, did what all those people do. He sold it real cheap to someone else, but for us he put a high price on it thinking we would want it so bad we would pay any price. No, I refused. Now it doesn't really matter to me as I am not going to be staying.

Peaceful Forest Cemetery 

Regardless, my beloved pets, Cinders, my black cat, Pepper, my other black cat, Lil' Red and my treasured pet, Rhode Island Red hen, are all buried there. Then in 2013, Nikita, our dog and best friend in the whole world died at at age 15 and she is buried there. She still does not have a stone on her grave. The next year, 2014, Callie Cat died at age 13 and she doesn't even have a marker yet. I need to take care of those two stones this year, as soon possible.

Nutmeg

My last Siamese cat, Nutmeg, is buried in the backyard with a very nice stone, but I never got her name put on it. I would like to do that this year, if possible. She was 17 years old. She had been through a lot with me and lived in Florida when we moved there. On the road in an over-the-road truck as hubby took us on his job, we got to see the whole country. It was fun for her and me.

Cinders

In 1999 we moved here with Nutmeg, Nikita and Cinders. Cinders was a male cat that had been neutered, but he still wandered out into the forest. His hunting instinct was sharp and he always brought back something to share with Nikita. One time he went out and never came back. While he was out, I heard a gunshot and for some reason my immediate thought was, "Cinders"! Well I never saw him again. I loved him so much and looked for weeks for him. I felt so bad about losing him. I guess it was my choice to live here and that meant my pets were at risk. In my previous life, I would have never allowed them to be outdoor cats. That was my fault in moving here.

Lil' Red and Nikita were best friends

Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole

Life Is Too Short, Treasure Your Family Now

Our road at night!

Whenever my husband and I go anywhere, we hurry to leave in time to make the drive home before it gets dark. I guess as we got older, our eyes couldn't take the driving at night, especially with other cars' lights hitting our windshield. I used to drive often in the dark when I was younger. Most of the time, I worked second shift, or 3-11, for those who don't know. So driving home in the dark was pretty normal for me. I admit, I am a little more afraid of getting stuck or stranded with a broken down vehicle where we live now. Our roads don't get much traffic at night and the traffic it gets, I am not sure I want to meet!

My husband's brother and father in 2010. Nikita is following them.

Last week we went to visit my father-in-law, who's health is not doing well. He is 93 now and failing badly. We stayed later than we should have because he really didn't want us to leave. We could hear him yelling loudly as we left, "Good-by! Thank you for coming! Thank you for coming!" He said nobody comes to see him anymore. My sister-in-law and her husband had moved to WV last year and he has had a very hard time adjusting to that fact. He cries about it to me almost every time we are there.

My son and my father in 2010.

My own father, who passed away last August, at 93, was in a lot better health than my father-in-law. He was driving and taking care of himself, as well as my niece and her family, who seemed to depend on him for just about everything. I think now, they are learning to be independent. In my family, 93 years old, is really a milestone. I don't think anyone had lived that long on either side of my family. My mom passed away at 78 years old and her mother, my grandmother, at 79.

Hollie Sunshine Lupole Fletcher and her daughter. 1999

It is not just the older people you will lose in your lifetime. My husband lost his daughter, Hollie Sunshine, at the age of 29. His brother too, died in his early thirties. I am fortunate to have my son and my brother and they are both in pretty good health so far. Praying they stay so!  My message today is to spend time with your family members. Don't get mad at them for silly reasons and hold a grudge. Forgive them, while you can, and love them with all your heart. Life is too short!

Copyright © 2013 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2013  Kathleen G. Lupole

Nikita Blackwolf Lupole 01/07/98 - 02/18/13 R.I.P.

Nikita loved snow! Hated hot weather, bugs and mud!

My dog, Nikita Blackwolf Lupole passed away today. I will tell you more about it. But not today. Still hurts too much to talk about her. I loved her with all my heart.

 Nikita was devoted to my husband, Larry.

Nikita and Hobo playing with my husband

The ramp my husband built for Nikita

Callie thinks Nikita was her mother!

Nikita Blackwolf Lupole 

01/07/98 - 02/18/13 

R.I.P.

Copyright © 2013 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2012  Kathleen G. Lupole

Turning Your Losses Around

A Neighboring Farm

Yesterday I drove my son to my father's house where he will spend a few days. He likes to take some time to spend with his grandfather, as he said that every time he leaves he is afraid he will never see him again. I know since my father is 91 years old there is a pretty good chance that is true. At this point in my life, 58 years old, I cannot imagine what my life would be like without my father. He is unique, unlike any other human being I have ever met. But what I want to say here, is that you never know no matter what age a person is if you will see them again. They will always stay in your heart though. If it it a parent, they are a part of you for as long as you live. You carry that with you and all the other generations that was a part of them also.

Losing a child is much different. From the time they are born, parents nurture and protect their children. Even animals do that. There are always those few that do not and don't seem to be worthy of the title parent. Even in the animal world that is true. There will always be the fathers or mothers who are too busy even though they take good care of them. And some that do not take any care of them. Neglect, abuse or even worse.  Some are too busy to pay attention to them when they are playing and want you to watch them do something. I know my son's favorite words while growing up were, "Mommy, Mommy, watch me! Watch me!" I always tried to, but granted there were many times when I could not. Being a stay at home mom though, probably more than most.

I know the feeling of  losing a child is different than losing a parent. You always know your parents will die and probably before you do. So when you lose your own child, the feeling is so much different. That was your child, the joy of your life. You think about the early years. You think about things you did together. The times that will never be. I cannot say I know all those feelings. My stepdaughter was not my child and I was not in her life when she was a child. I know what she was like as a child only because of what my husband has told me. I know she was very beautiful and sensitive to the natural world. She could not stand to see you kill a spider or a mouse. She was dearly loved by many people and most especially by her family.

Loss is something we will all have to deal with in some way some day:

• Loss of loved ones, including our beloved pets.
• Loss of material things that we become attached to. 
• Loss of a wonderful producing garden every year. 
• Loss of money we earned and worked hard for.
• Loss of respect for someone we love or know. 
• Loss of a business we started that failed.
• Loss of job we loved. 
• Loss of friends as we leave school or move to other areas. 
• Loss of our routines as our life changes in some way.
• Loss of our health which is many times little by little so we scarcely notice it. 
• Loss of our loved ones' health.
• Loss of a wonderful house that we lived in.
• Loss of a marriage that we didn't want to end. 

I am sure you can think of many more. The idea is to find ways to turn those losses around. You can't bring most of your losses back, but have to take a look in the mirror and say to yourself, "This is a new day. There is nothing more I can do about that. That is past. Now is the time I have and I will not dwell on my loss anymore." Then move on. As the song by Nitty Gritty Dirt Band says,

Stand a Little Rain 

 

  Dark cloud is coming

Headed straight for your heart

Might get just a little bit crazy, baby

Might try to tear us apart

When the storm blows over

Only the true love remains

If we’re ever gonna see a rainbow

We have to stand a little rain

Everybody wants love to be easy

But it’s never been that way

Each love starts out with blue skies

Sometimes those blue skies turn grey

When the storm blows over

Only the strong love remains

If we’re ever gonna see a rainbow

We have to stand a little rain

The thunder rolls

And the lightning strikes

Hold on, darling

It’s gonna be alright

’cause when the storm blows over

Only the true love remains

If we’re ever gonna see a rainbow

We have to stand a little rain

If we’re ever gonna see a rainbow

We have to stand a little rain 

Yes, it hurts, but God never promised us no hurts. That is part of the package. So build yourself back up. If you lose someone, you must move on or you will lose your life as well. Build your life up in their memory. Do things that would have made them proud. You will never forget those losses but they will make you stronger. They will make you able to do many things you thought you could not do. You must do this or else you will have no life at all and you will wither up inside. So if you are feeling a loss of some sort today, start your new day right now!

Copyright © 2010  Kathleen G. Lupole

Song Lyrics from Nitty Gritty Dirt Band Album Twenty Years Of  Dirt

Lyrics are the property of their respective owners. All information has been reproduced here for educational and informational purposes to benefit blog visitors and is provided at no charge.

Nutmeg Lupole May 12, 1989 - July 27, 2006

Yesterday morning was the saddest morning of my life. My little girl, Nutmeg passed away. She died peacefully at home, with her family present. She turned 17 years old on May 12, 2006. Nutmeg was born on a goat farm in Castle Creek, New York in 1989. She quickly became a very important member of my family. At the time, she came to live with me, I already had one other Siamese cat, Popcorn, who was 14 years old.

I can't begin to explain the pain I am feeling today, missing my little girl. She was a very special cat and I will never forget her. I have three other cats, but Nutmeg was my constant companion, even sleeping with me at night or sitting on my lap while I am working on my computer. Our house seems very empty this morning without her presence here. The other cats are outside during the day, but she was always inside. It was her choice.

My husband built her a box out of some barn wood, and I wrapped her in one of my flannel shirts. We buried her near my stone garden beds, so I could see her grave from my kitchen window. She always liked to be in the kitchen with me when I was working in there. So this way, when I do my dishes, I can look out on her grave. I will be planting catnip near it next year and maybe some pretty flowers. My husband will go down to the creek and find a special stone for her.

I just want to say, "Nutmeg, it was a great 17 years! I will never forget you or stop thinking about you. You were never "just a cat" to your family. We will love you forever."