A Very Special Christmas

Michael Dran and Robert Lupole, Christmas Day!

Christmas was the best I have had in a long time! Spending the day with my awesome father at my father-in-law's house was so wonderful. I will stash that memory away forever! The holidays have not been very good for either of our fathers, since they lost their lifetime partners, their wives and our mothers. But I think they quite enjoyed the day yesterday. Especially when my FIL, asked my father, "How are you, old man?" Snickering, since my father at 92, is six months older than himself!

BIL, Ken Lupole keeping an eye on the chili!

 My FIL is well known for making his secret family recipe for chili, which he used to make every Christmas. In fact, this year is the first year he actually took part in planning the day, since my MIL had died. Ken, my BIL decorated the house a bit, and had the table set when we all arrived. My husband had made two Bread Puddings, one to leave at home for my son, and one to take with us. He used to make it for his mother, because she thought his was always better than the ones she made. It turned out very good, and everyone was remembering his grandmother, who used to make it years ago.

We have enjoyed many family dinners here!

We arrived first, after picking up my father and stepson, Jeffrey. Yes, our sons have the same name. My son stayed home to keep an eye on the homestead, our critters, and keeping the wood stoves going. Soon my sister-in-law, Pat, and her husband, Tim, came in with their arms full of packages and food. They were surprised to see we had brought guests! The more the merrier!

My stepson, Jeffrey Lupole

We hadn't seen too much of my stepson, Jeffrey, as he was working out of town the last couple of years. My husband's day was complete by having him join us. I noticed he was smiling all day! So it was a simple celebration, but a very meaningful one for all of us. Catching up on each other's news and spending a day together, as we remembered our family members who are no longer with us.......our mothers, Hazel Dran, Lucille Lupole, brother, Jack Lupole, daughter, Hollie Sunshine Lupole Fletcher. What a day we had!

Copyright © 2011 Kathleen G. Lupole 
All Photographs Copyright © 2011 Kathleen G. Lupole
Updated July 2016

Family Blending

 My grandmother and my mother!

Family. According to Wikipedia:


"In human context, a family (from Latin: familia) is a group of people affiliated by consanguinity, affinity, or co-residence. In most societies it is the principal institution for the socialization of children. Extended from the human "family unit" by biological-cultural affinity, marriage, economy, culture, tradition, honour, and friendship are concepts of family that are physical and metaphorical, or that grow increasingly inclusive extending to community, village, city, region, nationhood, global village and humanism. A family group consisting of a father, mother and their children is called a nuclear family. This term can be contrasted with an extended family."

So according to this definition, there is no mention of love or fondness for each other. There is not a word of liking each other or sharing the same beliefs or concerns. Growing up in the same house with the same parents does not make any guarantee that brothers and sisters will be close or even love each other. Not necessarily alike, but maybe at least care about each other, and be to nice to each other. Not say hurtful things to or about them.

My grandmother, uncles, aunts & cousins!

I am the first one on front row!

It is not just my family that has had issues. More families have trouble getting along than you know. I think it is really common. If your family gets along and loves each other when the children grow up.......then thank your lucky stars! I have talked to so many people complaining about their families. Now the holidays are coming up, and people start worrying about those holiday dinners spent with family members who don't get along with others.

Why do people say things that hurt others without even thinking about the other person's feelings? Doesn't anyone care anymore? Are people that selfish nowadays? No wonder so many people move across the country, or the world, without a second thought! They are probably glad to get away.

One person in a family can create this situation. One person's jealousy of others. Or one person marries into a family and changes that family forever. Instead of joining the family and being a part of it, the person drives a wedge into a family. It is never the same after that. Sometimes it causes the family member who marries that person to change too. One of my husband's favorite sayings is, "You are your environment." That is so true!

My mother holding my son in 1970!

I think what may happen is that each person carries the baggage of their family. Then they marry and their baggage.........beliefs, thoughts, hang ups, does not blend into the family they have married into. So it starts a  disruption. It becomes bigger as the years go by. If the family has many new people who have married into their family, it has a snowball effect over the years.

Pretty soon it becomes one family against the other within one whole family. So how can they get along? Is it ever possible? You can get along with some of the members and not others. My conclusion is to tolerate those members at weddings and funerals. Don't go to their family dinners or celebrations. Don't invite them to your home or holidays. Distance yourself from them. Why? Life is too short to spend time worrying about those snide remarks. Life is too short to ruin your family holidays and celebrations. In the long run, it is their lost. Those years apart away from the members of your family can never be brought back. Sad.

Copyright © 2011 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2011  Kathleen G. Lupole

Mending Broken Families

It's a funny thing about death and funerals. Often times, they bring families together. Families that have lost touch over the years. Or families that had some sort of disagreement and drifted from each other. Even when the family members were very close at one time.

Yesterday I attended my uncle's funeral. He was my mother's brother. She had two. Now one is left. Our family I am sad to say had a falling out of sorts years ago. The disagreements a family has, that last for years, will cause you to waste all that time. All that time you could have spent together. The closeness is gone. The family get togethers are a thing of the past. A memory. Some of the people have passed on. Sad.

Since one of my goals this year has been to have a "forgiving heart." It was with joy, that yesterday, I could put behind me any disagreements of the past. As I know my own mother would have done. It pained her to be separated from a brother and a sister. The sister was not due to any disagreement but due to distance. In her dying years, when she needed them most, they were not there.

I think when you have lived with that bitterness within you, it wears you down. It it not good for your good health or mind. So yesterday, we were saying good-by to my uncle, but it brought about the mending of fences between other members. Not all. Not everyone wants a "forgiving heart." It was the silver lining for me. Not only seeing cousins I haven't seen in years.......but seeing the family members who were part of the disagreement. Two that I loved and missed very much.

August 21, 2012 - Update To This Post

I have added this to my post. The uncle in this post, my mother's brother turned out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing. He did not change. He pretended to be very close to my father, when he was dying, and instead tried to steal what he had left. Nope, sometimes, it is wise not to trust family members who have shown themselves to be shifty and untrustworthy.

 Copyright © 2011 Kathleen G. Lupole
All Photographs Copyright © 2011 Kathleen G. Lupole

A Son Is Nice To Have!

My son has come to help us for a few days. I didn't have to ask him twice. Just told him we needed some help. The below zero temps seem to be harder on us this year than before. So we asked him to help and here he is. Just for a couple of days and it has been a relief for us. Sometimes you just need to ask for a hand from someone.

I am thankful to have a son who is never too busy for his mother. Never forgets me or lets too much time go by before he calls me. Stays in touch all the time with me. And now here he is splitting firewood, feeding my horses, carrying water, etc. No thinking twice about it or giving me excuses why he couldn't do it. I am truly blessed by a wonderful son!

Copyright © 2011  Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2011  Kathleen G. Lupole