It's a funny thing about death and funerals. Often times, they bring families together. Families that have lost touch over the years. Or families that had some sort of disagreement and drifted from each other. Even when the family members were very close at one time.
Yesterday I attended my uncle's funeral. He was my mother's brother. She had two. Now one is left. Our family I am sad to say had a falling out of sorts years ago. The disagreements a family has, that last for years, will cause you to waste all that time. All that time you could have spent together. The closeness is gone. The family get togethers are a thing of the past. A memory. Some of the people have passed on. Sad.
Since one of my goals this year has been to have a "forgiving heart." It was with joy, that yesterday, I could put behind me any disagreements of the past. As I know my own mother would have done. It pained her to be separated from a brother and a sister. The sister was not due to any disagreement but due to distance. In her dying years, when she needed them most, they were not there.
I think when you have lived with that bitterness within you, it wears you down. It it not good for your good health or mind. So yesterday, we were saying good-by to my uncle, but it brought about the mending of fences between other members. Not all. Not everyone wants a "forgiving heart." It was the silver lining for me. Not only seeing cousins I haven't seen in years.......but seeing the family members who were part of the disagreement. Two that I loved and missed very much.
August 21, 2012 - Update To This Post
I have added this to my post. The uncle in this post, my mother's brother turned out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing. He did not change. He pretended to be very close to my father, when he was dying, and instead tried to steal what he had left. Nope, sometimes, it is wise not to trust family members who have shown themselves to be shifty and untrustworthy.
Copyright © 2011 Kathleen G. Lupole
All Photographs Copyright © 2011 Kathleen G. Lupole
All Photographs Copyright © 2011 Kathleen G. Lupole
12 comments:
You are so right and it is sad that families are torn apart for the littlest reasons. But I think every family has been there and done that...It happened in mine, and now that I have quite a large one I do make it my business to keep in touch. FB helps, especially if they are in another state....and even a card to let them know we are thinking of them helps...life is too short to stay angry...and definitely not healthy...
FB helped me too, not with the family members who were estranged but with the ones who lived faraway and the ones I didn't see often. I am making an effort this year to see and be a part of my cousins' lives.
It is so sad when families let such petty things keep them apart. It is equally as sad when we dont make the effort to stay in touch with family we are not quarrelling with. I hope to instill in my child the importance of family, and sticking together.
Steadfast Family
my mother and i had a falling out several years ago... we did not speak for just over 10 years... and my brother is still not my biggest fan, nor i his... but we all love each other and that is what it's all about...
my mother & i made amends about 11 years ago... i say amends but it was more a wiping of the slate... let the past be in the past...we decided that it didn't require discussing or hashing out or reliving... we just sort of picked up with the love of a mother & daughter and proceeded as if those estranged years didn't happen... i am so grateful to her that she was able to do this...
Kim, I think that is where to start. With your children. Teaching them to stay close and not allowing disagreements to come between them.
Sherrie, That must have been very hard on you! Being estranged from a parent, I think would be the hardest. I am certainly glad you have reunited with your mother.
Most times it is best to do that, not discuss the problem that led to the disagreement. Let "sleeping dogs lie," so to speak.
I can tell from your writing that a weight was lifted....forgiveness and reconciliation are hard work....thanks for sharing
What a peace forgiveness brings! Thanks for the reminder, Katlupe...
Yes pleemiller, a weight that felt like it weighted a ton. It's gone!
Joe, forgiveness does bring you such a feeling of peace. I love it!
Rare is the family that doesn't have any difficulties between some members. I'm glad you were able to see some of your extended family, even though it was sad circumstances. It is nice to touch base with family and see how everyone is doing.
kat ~ wonderful post and very healing for everyone ~ especially for you ~ I glad ~ hugs ^_^
Post a Comment