Sunday, September 12, 2010

Turning Your Losses Around

A Neighboring Farm

Yesterday I drove my son to my father's house where he will spend a few days. He likes to take some time to spend with his grandfather, as he said that every time he leaves he is afraid he will never see him again. I know since my father is 91 years old there is a pretty good chance that is true. At this point in my life, 58 years old, I cannot imagine what my life would be like without my father. He is unique, unlike any other human being I have ever met. But what I want to say here, is that you never know no matter what age a person is if you will see them again. They will always stay in your heart though. If it it a parent, they are a part of you for as long as you live. You carry that with you and all the other generations that was a part of them also.

Losing a child is much different. From the time they are born, parents nurture and protect their children. Even animals do that. There are always those few that do not and don't seem to be worthy of the title parent. Even in the animal world that is true. There will always be the fathers or mothers who are too busy even though they take good care of them. And some that do not take any care of them. Neglect, abuse or even worse.  Some are too busy to pay attention to them when they are playing and want you to watch them do something. I know my son's favorite words while growing up were, "Mommy, Mommy, watch me! Watch me!" I always tried to, but granted there were many times when I could not. Being a stay at home mom though, probably more than most.

I know the feeling of  losing a child is different than losing a parent. You always know your parents will die and probably before you do. So when you lose your own child, the feeling is so much different. That was your child, the joy of your life. You think about the early years. You think about things you did together. The times that will never be. I cannot say I know all those feelings. My stepdaughter was not my child and I was not in her life when she was a child. I know what she was like as a child only because of what my husband has told me. I know she was very beautiful and sensitive to the natural world. She could not stand to see you kill a spider or a mouse. She was dearly loved by many people and most especially by her family.

Loss is something we will all have to deal with in some way some day:

  • Loss of loved ones, including our beloved pets.
  • Loss of material things that we become attached to. 
  • Loss of a wonderful producing garden every year. 
  • Loss of money we earned and worked hard for.
  • Loss of respect for someone we love or know. 
  • Loss of a business we started that failed.
  • Loss of job we loved. 
  • Loss of friends as we leave school or move to other areas. 
  • Loss of our routines as our life changes in some way.
  • Loss of our health which is many times little by little so we scarcely notice it. 
  • Loss of our loved ones' health.
  • Loss of a wonderful house that we lived in.
  • Loss of a marriage that we didn't want to end. 

I am sure you can think of many more. The idea is to find ways to turn those losses around. You can't bring most of your losses back, but have to take a look in the mirror and say to yourself, "This is a new day. There is nothing more I can do about that. That is past. Now is the time I have and I will not dwell on my loss anymore." Then move on. As the song by Nitty Gritty Dirt Band says,

Stand a Little Rain 
  Dark cloud is coming
Headed straight for your heart
Might get just a little bit crazy, baby
Might try to tear us apart

When the storm blows over
Only the true love remains
If we’re ever gonna see a rainbow
We have to stand a little rain

Everybody wants love to be easy
But it’s never been that way
Each love starts out with blue skies
Sometimes those blue skies turn grey

When the storm blows over
Only the strong love remains
If we’re ever gonna see a rainbow
We have to stand a little rain

The thunder rolls
And the lightning strikes
Hold on, darling
It’s gonna be alright

’cause when the storm blows over
Only the true love remains
If we’re ever gonna see a rainbow
We have to stand a little rain

If we’re ever gonna see a rainbow
We have to stand a little rain 

Yes, it hurts, but God never promised us no hurts. That is part of the package. So build yourself back up. If you lose someone, you must move on or you will lose your life as well. Build your life up in their memory. Do things that would have made them proud. You will never forget those losses but they will make you stronger. They will make you able to do many things you thought you could not do. You must do this or else you will have no life at all and you will wither up inside. So if you are feeling a loss of some sort today, start your new day right now!

Copyright © 2010  Kathleen G. Lupole

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