Saturday, May 12, 2018

My Life Goes On Regardless

As a woman, I have usually deferred to the men in my life. After all isn't that what we were taught? I grew up watching Father Knows Best and shows that featured the man as the head of the family and the one with the final word. I learned pretty early in life that my daddy was not the one to be feared in my family. I loved it when my mother would say she was going to tell him. I knew I would not be punished by him. She told me years later, after I was grown up that he told her he could not discipline me or spank me or even yell at me. I remember for some unknown reason as to why I did this, but my brother would be pouring milk into my glass and at the very last amount I would pull my glass away and milk would spill all over the table. I do not know what was in my head because I did it many times. My father would start to speak harshly to me, and my eyes would fill with tears and that would end it right there. He could not deal with my tears I guess.

As I have grown older, I have come to the conclusion that men are no smarter than me. Nope, I am now standing on my own. Being independent and making my own choices, without asking a man for his advice. Most of the time, my first instinct is usually the right thing to do. Why would anyone know better than me? After all I have lived a long time and have gone through a lot of stuff. Many of the men in my life have relied on me to help them, so why can't I ever just do it myself? I guess it goes back to that father daughter thing. Thinking your father has all the answers. Well, to be honest as my father got older, he actually came to me for my opinions. He valued my advice! And that made me feel good.

Yes, my life has been a series of wrong choices and stupid results. That is what life is about. Making a choice that ends up screwing up your life is something you live with and regret for years and years. Then one day you have to say to yourself, "No more! Forget it and move on." That is what I had to do. For instance, this is one of those wrong choices. When I got a divorce from my second husband he worked for the post office, so he did not pay into Social Security, but into a federal pension program. I was his beneficiary and if he died I would have gotten about $600. a month with it going up every year. The lawyer I had was not knowledgeable in the facts surrounding this pension plan. He should have gotten a court order from the judge saying I would get it regardless of whether I remarried or not. I did remarry. In the meantime, my ex-husband died at 52 years of age. I found out that because of my marriage and because my lawyer did not get that court order at the time of the divorce, I could not collect that pension. Now you say I should not have gotten it anyway since I had remarried? Well, I gave him $50,000. cash to buy a house in 1989 and I divorced him in 1994 due to him being a bad alcoholic. I did not make him pay that money back due to my feeling sorry for him and that as long as I was his beneficiary, I would just leave it as is. Now I could have used my $50,000. and he did not deserve it and the free house he had. So there I was a once again, a big time loser!

Somehow I recovered from the many foolish mistakes I made. It is how life is. You make mistakes and you make some good decisions. Some will be worthwhile and pay off and some will not. I learned many times over that if I did the same stupid things I would get the same results. Now at my age, in my sixties, I think I am smarter, but still making choices that can hinder the rest of my life. Still I have no one to advise me. Just have to stretch my own wings and do the best I can.

Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole
All Photographs Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole

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