Sadness Or Happiness

Sadness encircles my heart today,

a feeling of which I cannot control.

Changes I make for my own well being,

hurt others, once loved by me.

No matter what roadblocks pop up,

obstacles in my quest for life,

a life created in my dreams.

Is there a reason it is not meant to be?

Or is it a life needed to be fought for,

over and over till the end of my time?

Strength fails me at times, I grow weak,

my endurance is tiring, I fall asleep.

Living so long as a shell of myself,

can it even be fixed in a simple moment?

No, I have lived too long in sadness,

agony, bitterness and anger.

I prayed for a way out, for a release,

finally it came, Started to feel happy again,

as time grew closer to my escape,

I became worried, then scared.

Instead of drawing closer to others,

I felt myself pulling away. Standing back

and reflecting on my thoughts, hopes

and dreams. When will my release come?

A prison of a life, held back by circumstance.

Will it be another passing moment in my life,

that was wrong or a disappointment?

No matter how many friends gather

to help me, I feel alone and isolated,

even in the midst of many.

I confide in few, my trust is guarded,

secretive is the way I live mostly.

Not wanting to share my pain with

the world, not needing pity or criticism,

and knowing, judging looks of people

who live superior lives, that look down

on others. I held my head high, regardless.

A friend took my hand and guided me,

encouraged me all the way to the door.

Kept me going and not letting me miss

my chance and on I marched to life,

my life, my new life. So many things

I had to do, sometimes almost giving up,

but on I went and soon it was worth the wait.

Now the day is upon me, leaving behind all my

sadness, grief and unspoken words. All those

reasons that propelled me into my new life,

and on through the door. The door to new

beginnings, my new life.

Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole
All Photographs Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole