Take Some Time to Chill Out!

 

There are some days I want to just chill. Not have any appointments or plans. Not have to talk to or entertain anyone. Eat simple food that doesn't take much preparation. Just be me. By myself. Take the day as it comes. Whatever comes to my mind I can do. I find when there are some busy days it tires me out and I just want to be home and alone. Someone used to mention wanting their "alone time" and not wanting to do anything. Yet when that person had any free time it was filled with doing chores of some kind. Well, I have plenty of "alone time" now in my present situation. I still value it and make good use of it. When you live with other people, including a spouse or other family members, it can be difficult to make time for yourself. If you do, it will recharge your state of mind so you can deal with the outside world.  

There is so many products that have been developed over the years to make our lives easier and more convenient. Saves time. Time for what? Time for doing some other chore? Or for creating free time to do something you really wanted to do? I used to think I enjoyed cooking for other people. Now when I look back, I think not so much. Could be that I told myself I enjoyed it but it was a lot of work. Work hard creating a meal and it was gone in half an hour. Then the clean up. At least now when I cook a meal I can just heat it up for the next three days. That means if I don't feel like cooking or creating some big meal I can do what I like. 

When someone asks what do you do all day? I have to think about it. Yet I know that person cannot appreciate my answer because what I do is different each day. Another person might think what I said I did was boring to them but probably not to me. I don't know whether it is an aging thing or health thing but I try not to talk about health conditions to others. If I talk about it too much I end up dwelling on it. I feel like, "Yeah, I have Osteoarthritis in both knees and Lymphedema but that does not define who I am." There are many people who are worse off than I am. I can deal with my own health issues privately.

In life, change is constant. Especially in the aging process, though you may not notice it at first. When you are younger it seems like it is far in the distance. It catches up with you pretty fast though. Your situations change slowly at first. Then all of a sudden you notice big changes as if they just happened. For instance, relationships with your loved ones. You go from seeing and hearing from them every day to no contact for days. Someone who used to call you five or six times a day barely calls you once. They have moved on to a life that doesn't include you anymore or at least not as much as before. It is a process you have to accept. 

Accepting changes within your life must be done or else you can end up depressed and become a negative person. I have had many people come into my life and leave over the years. That is the reason for keeping yourself independent. If you depend on one person you will be sorry if they are not there for you anymore. If you have physical problems and cannot do everything yourself, there are ways to get help. Usually your local Office for the Aging will be able to help you find what you need. If you can afford it then money spent on a private aide, driver or handyman would be money well spent. 

Often times the changes happening are not your own but the other person's or people in your life. If it is someone you are involved with often you will see the changes in them coming and not have it sneak up on you. Prepare for it as soon as you notice it. Don't pretend it is not happening. Many times it could be your spouse and those changes will surely affect you and your life. Maybe that person, spouse or others just get tired of your situation and doing for you. Or maybe their own health is affecting them in ways you do not know. So being independent and able to move on is the only thing you can do. Self-care has got to come first especially as you become older. 

Copyright © 2023 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2023  Kathleen G. Lupole

Caring For Yourself As You Get Older

One of the things I did a number of years back, when I lived on my homestead was to make a list of all the things I hated about my life. I was miserable. I thought life would just get worse and worse as time went on. I would try to picture what I would be doing ten years from then. It was not a pretty picture. Making a change in your life is never easy but if you want to change anything, you need to recognize that you matter. Yes, you do! You need to put others aside and do what you can for yourself. I always say that self-care is not selfish. It is essential! 

I recognize that there are a lot of people who are living alone now. Especially in the older population. So you would think they would have more time in practicing self-care. In fact, they may have the time but they don't do it. For no other reason then they don't have the incentive to do it. Some people have spent their whole lives caring for other people and putting themselves last. Now when they can really spend the time and maybe money on themselves they don't. There are many people who don't practice self-care because they don't feel worthy enough for it. Negativity gets you nowhere fast! 

Self-care is different in your sixties and seventies. Not anywhere near the way I practiced self-care in my twenties and thirties. Back then I was a stay at home mother and had the time (and due to my situation, the money too) to care for myself. From 1988 to 2018, my life was not my own even though I did not have a child at home anymore. Working at various jobs every day and taking care of a home and trying to make my marriages work took up all my time. 

In my twenties, self-care was all about beauty and my looks. Reading all the latest fashion magazines and doing all the latest trends. When I think back to those times I marvel at how into those beauty routines and products I was. In my sixties and now seventies, I find myself more into healthy self-care practices than ever before. What is important to me now? What will be important to me ten years from now? Not beauty that is for sure. It is definitely my health and my happiness. My ability to stay independent is very important to me. Health and happiness is the key to that independence. Unhappy people are not usually healthy. I am sure there are exceptions. 

In my own experiences, after years of not being able to practice any self-care due to my living situation, I am eagerly addressing it now. These are the things I do now:

1. I take daily minerals and vitamins, extra magnesium and electrolytes twice a day. 

2. I drink water. 

3. Do not eat any sugar, grains, fruits, starchy vegetables or seed oils. 

4. Make sure to eat plenty of protein and healthy fats.

5. Have my hair trimmed, styled and colored regularly (it makes me happy) at my salon.

6. Walk daily for exercise if possible outside.

7. Wear compression stockings (for Lymphedema).

8. Do dry brushing and use Magnesium oil before my shower. 

9. Keep my skin moisturized (important for Lymphedema).

10. Deep breathing (important for Lymphedema).

11. Dental care

12. Vision care

13. Maintain a safe and clean environment.

14. Socialize. Yes, friends are good for you even if it is just a few. 

15. Keep my mind active. I find the computer does this for me. I have many activities on my computer that are not social media that I do almost daily.

16. Family. Connect with family members and stay in contact if possible. 

If you find you need help in doing your self-care there are ways to get help. Call your local office of the aging and tell them what you need. They are there to help and most importantly, they want to keep you in your home. I know people will say they don't want to ask for help because they are afraid they will be taken out of their home. That has not been the case where I live. Instead they send help in some form or other. But you must tell them what problems you are experiencing so they can help.

Copyright © 2022 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2022  Kathleen G. Lupole

Busting Your Stress With Simple Steps

Peaceful Forest flowers

Stress is a common word we hear all the time. It is that feeling of strain and pressure. Sometimes you can put your finger on what is causing your stress. Sometimes you can't and don't even know it is stress. You just know it is there. Other times you are very well aware of the cause of your stress, even though you do not know how to rid yourself of it. It can be caused by a number of different things going on in your life, such as a job, a family member, finances, not enough time to do things you need to do, other people or negative feelings about yourself. Stress can fester over time if you do not try to deal with it yourself. If you let it go on for too long it can also cause your body to break down and cause various health conditions. I feel that is your body giving you a warning, saying, "Deal with your stress right now!"

Watching the birds is restful for me.

Chronic stress I feel is when you are living with a situation that goes on and on and you can't get rid of it or come up with a solution to end it. Maybe it is caused by a family member's illness or their mental state. Living with others who are the cause of your stress is the hardest to deal with. If it was your neighbors, you could move. Not likely when it is coming from your family. Sometimes you cannot identify what or who is causing your stress. Maybe it is just because you do not want it to be what it is. Like if it is your spouse or child. You can make your feelings known to them about what they are doing to you. If it makes a difference and they try to cooperate with you on eliminating the stress that would be good. But it is not always the case.

Living in a peaceful place is helpful.

Years ago I attended Al-Anon meetings because my 2nd husband was a bad alcoholic. They taught me how to "distance" myself from him to rid myself of the stress of living with him. It worked very well. It also helped me to be able to leave him. I saw no reason to stay with an alcoholic when I didn't even drink myself. I told him when I left that I did not want to watch him kill himself and that is exactly what he did. Dying before he was 52. There are times when you will not want to eliminate someone from your life even if they are the cause of your stress. Such as your child, parent or a sibling and maybe your spouse. 

The bridge to my house.

Learning to deal with your stress by going to counseling is a good way to get started. Unfortunately, at this time I cannot do so. In the past I have done just that and it helped me very much. So I have discovered stress busters that work for me. I am not saying they will work for you but it may be worth it to give a try. Taking care of yourself in any way you can will make a difference. We all have to be selfish at times in our lives. Being a wife and mother is a job that does not come with retirement age limit. It goes on and on. Being miserable, unhappy and stressed out will not benefit anyone, even whoever is causing your stress, but least of all you. You count! You are important too.

Patches

These are the ones I recommend:

1. Music! Yes listening to music is my #1 stress buster. It works for me. I have an MP3 player with all of my favorite classic rock music that I grew up with. Listening to Led Zeppelin or Pink Floyd before I go to bed relaxes me so much. 

2. Writing. In a journal, working on my blogs, poetry or eBooks relieves my stress immensely. If you are not a writer, don't let that stop you. Get a notebook and just write whatever comes to your head. I can write for hours by hand and it is my best writing by far. I have kept a journal for years and I can look back at any time and see how I dealt with something in the past.

3. Reading. Immerse yourself in a novel for a few hours. Let it take you away from the problems that are stressing you out. I love to read and do it every day. My ideal vacation would be staying somewhere where all I had to do was to read books. Since I do not own a television or watch any type of television shows, reading is my entertainment. I read aloud to my husband in the evening and I notice it takes his stress or anger away. I try to do it every night.

4.Bake something! Yes, I do that quite often. I get into my recipe and forget about everything else for awhile. Taking pictures of it in the process to later post on my blogs or in a future eBook. 

5. Go outside. Take a walk. Visit a park or a wooded area. I love the forest and live in the middle of the state forest. It is my favorite outdoor area. My previous house had a huge hay field directly behind our yard and I would get all stressed out over something and would stop what I was doing and head out to the field. Walking around the edge several times. So relaxing. I spend a lot of time in my garden and that takes all the stress away. Working out there and sitting on a bench in the garden is my thinking time. Nobody bothers me out there and I look forward to that time. I miss it in the winter.

6. Exercise. No surprise there. I like to use dumbbells and work out using a weight bench. That kind of stress on your body is good for it! I also have a recumbent bicycle that I love riding because I can read or mediate at the same time. Lately I have not been able to use it due to my knees being so bad. I am in the process of trying to correct them and will get back on my bike when I do. Any kind of exercise you enjoy is highly recommended.

7.  Meditate. Taking the time to meditate is well worth it. Find a quiet relaxed area away from all the hustle and bustle of your everyday life. Even if you only spend 10 minutes doing it. Do not think about your problems at that time. Just concentrate on your breathing.

8. Take a bubble bath or spend some time, if you have access to one, in a sauna or hot tub. I used to have a hot tub at two different houses I lived in and that was the best. Stress be gone! A sauna will remove all the toxins from your body and make you feel renewed.

9. If you can afford to, go to a bed and breakfast somewhere quiet by yourself. Or camping. It is rewarding to spend time alone by yourself. You do not have to talk. Just you and your own thoughts. Don't have to take care of anyone else.

10. If you own pets, sometimes they are the best stress busters I know of. My pet house rabbit is such a peaceful little fella. He gives me much needed comfort many times through out my day. Cats, dogs, horses, chickens or any pet you have can perform this job quite easily. It is part of their nature, to comfort you (Rabbit told me so!).

Rabbit getting his favorite treat, banana, from my husband.

I hope you can find something useful in my stress busters for your stress. It is not meant to replace counseling if that is what you need. It may get you started and help you get through your day. If you feel you need something more, consider getting professional help. It worked for me. Good luck!

All Text and Photographs Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole