Don't Miss Out On Life

One thing that happens with people who live alone and especially senior citizens, is that they don't go outside of their comfort zone. It feels safe in there. I know. I have had to step out of it many times in my life. I step out and am thankful I did but then I create another comfort zone. I believe that part of life is continually pushing myself to try new things and activities. At least try it for a period of time. Yes, of course, I want to feel safe and stay with what I know. But how many times did you try something new and wish you had done it a long time ago? My answer is more times than I like to think.

Martin Kappel Theater

This last week I did it again. Twice. Stepped out of my comfort zone. The first thing I did was to buy a ticket to go to the musical, The Wizard of Oz that was playing in the Martin Kappel Theater that is in the other half of the apartment building I live in. The Norwich Theater Company put on an excellent production and I enjoyed it very much. The theater was crowded and it seemed most of the people knew each other. People greeting each other and were happy to see one another. It was nice to see and no, I did not feel left out. Actually I enjoyed it because it was a happy environment to spend a few hours. I am a “people watcher” and there were a lot of people to watch that day. 

Norwich Center where the theater is

Because I was using a walker I was told to go in when they announce season ticket holders. Then I was directed to a seat in the back row on the aisle. It was perfect for me because I do not like being in the middle of a crowd. They had a 20 minute intermission and the lines to the bathrooms were long. If I had needed to, I would have gone upstairs to my apartment since it was not even five minutes away. I did not let the fact that I was using a walker hold me back. In fact, it made everyone be friendlier to me and try to help me get through the crowd of people. 

Guernsey Memorial Library

The other thing I did was to go to the library and get a new library card. I had that on my list ever since I moved here but never did it. I don’t know why but in recent times the ramp to the library had homeless people camped out on it all hours of the day. The library has been actively trying to discourage that so the ramp was clear. I am happy to say that I now have a library card and will be going there. I always loved libraries and spent hours in various ones over the years. This library is right across the street from my apartment so will be convenient. Right now they are doing major construction inside so I am anxious to see what they have done once it is finished. In the meantime, I am going to check out their online site.

I have found that if I visualize the activity or experience before I do it I will enjoy it more. In fact, I will be looking forward to it. If I went through life expecting to have the worst experiences than that is what I will have. Instead I visualize a rewarding experience and that is usually how it turns out. In my mind I imagine what it will be like when I step inside the building like the theater or the library. Will people frown at me and say, "What is she doing here?" Or will they say, "Oh good a new person is here today!" And come forward to greet me or ask if they can help me. It is usually the latter. 

The park on the corner from my apartment

What have you done lately to step out of your comfort zone? The longer you put it off the harder it is to do it. After you do whatever it is, maybe like me you will be saying, Why didn’t I do that sooner?” Don’t miss out on life because you are stuck in your comfort zone!     

Copyright © 2023 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2023  Kathleen G. Lupole 

Take Some Time to Chill Out!

 

There are some days I want to just chill. Not have any appointments or plans. Not have to talk to or entertain anyone. Eat simple food that doesn't take much preparation. Just be me. By myself. Take the day as it comes. Whatever comes to my mind I can do. I find when there are some busy days it tires me out and I just want to be home and alone. Someone used to mention wanting their "alone time" and not wanting to do anything. Yet when that person had any free time it was filled with doing chores of some kind. Well, I have plenty of "alone time" now in my present situation. I still value it and make good use of it. When you live with other people, including a spouse or other family members, it can be difficult to make time for yourself. If you do, it will recharge your state of mind so you can deal with the outside world.  

There is so many products that have been developed over the years to make our lives easier and more convenient. Saves time. Time for what? Time for doing some other chore? Or for creating free time to do something you really wanted to do? I used to think I enjoyed cooking for other people. Now when I look back, I think not so much. Could be that I told myself I enjoyed it but it was a lot of work. Work hard creating a meal and it was gone in half an hour. Then the clean up. At least now when I cook a meal I can just heat it up for the next three days. That means if I don't feel like cooking or creating some big meal I can do what I like. 

When someone asks what do you do all day? I have to think about it. Yet I know that person cannot appreciate my answer because what I do is different each day. Another person might think what I said I did was boring to them but probably not to me. I don't know whether it is an aging thing or health thing but I try not to talk about health conditions to others. If I talk about it too much I end up dwelling on it. I feel like, "Yeah, I have Osteoarthritis in both knees and Lymphedema but that does not define who I am." There are many people who are worse off than I am. I can deal with my own health issues privately.

In life, change is constant. Especially in the aging process, though you may not notice it at first. When you are younger it seems like it is far in the distance. It catches up with you pretty fast though. Your situations change slowly at first. Then all of a sudden you notice big changes as if they just happened. For instance, relationships with your loved ones. You go from seeing and hearing from them every day to no contact for days. Someone who used to call you five or six times a day barely calls you once. They have moved on to a life that doesn't include you anymore or at least not as much as before. It is a process you have to accept. 

Accepting changes within your life must be done or else you can end up depressed and become a negative person. I have had many people come into my life and leave over the years. That is the reason for keeping yourself independent. If you depend on one person you will be sorry if they are not there for you anymore. If you have physical problems and cannot do everything yourself, there are ways to get help. Usually your local Office for the Aging will be able to help you find what you need. If you can afford it then money spent on a private aide, driver or handyman would be money well spent. 

Often times the changes happening are not your own but the other person's or people in your life. If it is someone you are involved with often you will see the changes in them coming and not have it sneak up on you. Prepare for it as soon as you notice it. Don't pretend it is not happening. Many times it could be your spouse and those changes will surely affect you and your life. Maybe that person, spouse or others just get tired of your situation and doing for you. Or maybe their own health is affecting them in ways you do not know. So being independent and able to move on is the only thing you can do. Self-care has got to come first especially as you become older. 

Copyright © 2023 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2023  Kathleen G. Lupole

Busy Busy Busy, That's me!

 

Loneliness is an emotion many people feel at one time or another in their lifetime. I live alone except for my house bunny, Rabbit. I have always been an introvert so being alone does not bother me as much as some people. I admit that I talk to Rabbit as if he is a person. He listens but does not join in our conversation! Living in an apartment building, downtown, means I can connect with others whenever I feel the need to. So it is not like I am isolated away from others most of the time. If I am, it is my own doing.

My son lives a couple of blocks away and I see him almost daily. He is disabled and it seems to me his disability is getting worse as he ages. So that is something I have to contend with the best I can. Since I am alone it my problem and I deal with it. What else can I do? It is part of being a mother. If he did not have a disability, I suppose I would not be so involved in his life. Probably I would not like that so much. He is my son and I will take care of him as much as I can. I know he gets angry with me but I am on his side all the time. He just does not see or understand it.

Lenovo Legion Laptop

I have been working on a story that I started back in 2010. First I had to figure out how to get Libre Office into my new computer. It took me a year to do that! I was also able to figure out how to get my old external hard drive in it. So I found my old stories and eBooks that I had been working on. In fact, when I bought this new computer, I had to teach myself how to do a few things I thought previously I'd never be able to do. One of those things was to remove Windows completely out of my computer (since it comes in the new computer..........packed full of advertising and things I would never use). I did it and put Ubuntu in and have been happy with it ever since. Did it all on my own with YouTube videos. 

Basically I am pretty busy all day. Even if it is doing trivial jobs like housework, making meals or editing photos in the computer. The day just gets by me and I am always saying, "how could it be this time already?" I don't really like to live by a schedule and for the most part I don't. I might eat breakfast at six in the morning or at noon. Yet there are other things I try to do by a certain time. Like cleaning my bunny's cage. Or using my leg massager. Or getting the coffee ready for the next morning in the coffeemaker. If I am an hour or so off it is okay and I don't stress about it. 

It doesn't bother me to do things by myself. Never did. I remember I used to go to the movies by myself if there was a movie I really wanted to see. Now I could do that easily here since the theater is within walking distance of my apartment. It is being upgraded due to the beautification grant Norwich won. So that will be interesting to see. I loved the vintage feel of the old theater but think that is why it did not have a lot of people attending movies there. I probably would not go to a night time movie since I do not like to leave my apartment after dark.

Presently I am in the process of changing all my health care to local only. The dental I have no choice on but hopefully soon I will be finished with them. In establishing my independence, I need to get to the appointments on my own. Eventually, your dependence on someone else will end or should end. I chose not to own a vehicle and I do not regret making that decision one bit. It does make it difficult at times if I have an appointment that is 40 miles away though. So changing where I go for medical and dental is important now. I wish I had thought of that when I first moved here. 

As a single person you have to make an effort to keep up your friendships. Sometimes I may not feel like doing something but after I do it, I am usually happy I did. It gets me out of my apartment and usually I enjoyed myself. Sometimes I just sit in the park in the sun and watch people and traffic. Having four parks within walking distance of my apartment is pretty nice. Can go to a different one every day. There are a number of activities that take place right in the area I live in all summer and fall. So the week-ends here are busy and there are a lot of people around. 

Fit King Compression Leg Massager

I think when you have health issues you spend most of your time focused on that and rightly so. Lately I have realized if I don't think about that so much then I feel better. In fact, I will go half the day and then remember I was worried about something that seems to have disappeared or does not seem so bad. Lately I have made progress on Lymphedema and that is because I have committed myself to doing my self-care every day no matter how much time it takes. Along with sticking to a clean Keto lifestyle. It really does pay off! How do I know? Because the day after I eat ice cream or something else that contains sugar or inflammatory cooking oils I am not good. One bad food equals days of discomfort and depression. 

Copyright © 2023 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2023  Kathleen G. Lupole

Updated 2023

Another Year Older

Birthday card from my parents in 1986

 

As my birthday approaches next week, I think back to my life and what hits me is not the thought that I will be 67, but that in all these years, this has been my happiest ever. Yes, it has. When I reflect on it I realize it is the first time in my life that I have ever truly lived alone. I did briefly a couple of times, but did not stay that way for long. I remember being very happy for those few months of living alone in the past. Now I am retired and do not have to go to a job so my time is my own. Basically I only have to do what I choose to do. That is a lot different than doing chores that are based on running a whole house and caring for a family. Even one other person takes up your time and energy.  And WORRY......yes worry was a big part of living with others. 

My son lives a couple of blocks away. I see him several times a week and if he needs something I am close by. He rides his bicycle to the stores and stops by to see me or to say hi. Living downtown in a small city was not something I ever pictured doing in a million years. I was a country girl, or so I thought. I could not tolerate my situation another year and had to take what was affordable and available. I had researched and studied many options. I have a very low income due to having been a stay at home mother while my son was growing up. I have seen many people staying in an unhappy situation due to finances. Many say they cannot do this or refuse to do that. Well, if you are unhappy and miserable where you are, at least make the effort to try something else. If you are still unhappy and miserable, then it is you. Then you need to make changes within your own self. Move out of your comfort zone.

I found moving to a location that I was familiar with but had never lived in, provided me with a sense of adventure and excitement. Since I moved to a downtown location, I was able to scratch a car off my list of expenses. Now that I have been here over a year, I think a car would have been an unnecessary expense and a headache in the winter when parking is a big problem. Living here, I can take a city bus to stores like Walmart or Lowe's that are outside of the city. It may be a small city, but it has two cab companies, which I see my neighbors use regularly. A choice I could never have made if I was not living alone. I think of those expenses a car represents and I am thankful I can live without it.

Do not think that living alone means watching television all day. I only recently got a flat screen one as a gift, but I did not hook it up to watch as a television. I have DVDs and also am subscribed to Amazon Prime so I can watch Prime Videos. I have been watching them more than I would have due to having to elevate my legs in the afternoon for a bit. Basically though, I am a reader and a writer, choosing to do that over watching videos. I spend a good part of my time on Ancestry working on my family tree. I have gone back so far on it that I am finding kings and queens in my ancestral tree now. I would rather subscribe to Ancestry and Prime than to pay for a television subscription.

It is not that I am against human companionship. I am not. I am in a relationship with a man I love very much. I just see no reason that to have companionship you have to live in the same house. For me, this is what my dream has been for so long. To live in my own space, decorate it for me. Nobody else. If you are single, widowed or divorced, there is no reason to feel you have to live with someone else. Take the time to get to know yourself first. I know many couples move in with each other thinking it will save them money. Does it? Not all the time. In fact, it can work against you. I could not get any help for medical insurance for many years due to my husband’s income being too high for help. Yet his income did not cover all the bills and there was no way I could pay for anything extra. Once I got my Social Security though, I could at least get Medicare, paying out $134. a month out of my very tiny check. Now living alone I was eligible for help and do not have to pay for Medicare. I am able to catch up on all the health concerns I had and am working on them right now.

To be honest, I do not live completely alone. If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know I have a “house rabbit” who is named, “Rabbit”. He is the perfect pet in my 338 square foot studio apartment. His cage and various boxes (his toys) take up some of my space, but he is worth it. I see my neighbors taking their dogs out several times a day which is not something I have to do with Rabbit. His cage is probably the biggest chore I have to do. Every day. He appreciates it though, watching me clean it for him. It takes me only about 15 minutes at the most. Hay is the hardest thing to deal with since it is very messy. But what else can I do? Hay is 80% of his diet and I use it for his bedding and litter too. It is just a part of my daily routine like making coffee or washing dishes. I talk to him all day long and when I leave for several hours, he is always happy to see me return. Of course, looking for a special treat I might have brought back for him!

Being a “senior citizen” there are many programs you have available to you if you are struggling to live with a very small income. If you are divorced or widowed, you might find that investments you were counting on do not exist once you are alone. Maybe they never did to begin with. So you must search for these programs yourself. I recommend going to your local Office For The Aging. Make an appointment for someone to help you see what you qualify for. Housing is one of the most costly expenses you will probably have. There are tons of affordable housing for elderly/seniors. Do not mistakenly think they are on poverty row! Most are not. They are usually nice and well taken care of and not owned by the government. The application though is a long, tedious chore but so worth it if you are accepted and will have a very low rent payment. Abide by the rules and you will be set.

Copyright © 2019 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2019  Kathleen G. Lupole

Updated 2021

My Random Thoughts

The lobby at the front entrance of my apartment building.

I wake up early, free to do whatever I want. That is as long as I get Rabbit his handful of morning greens. He is doing binkys all around me as I try to make my way out to the kitchen. Turn the coffeepot on. Make my coffee. Drink the whole pot. Or pour it in the thermos. It will still be there later. No one to drink it up on me. I check my computer. I check my emails. Say good morning to my friends. Sometimes my adopted daughter, L, messages me to see if I am up. Needs her hair braided. She is just down the hall. She used to be my son’s girlfriend and just happened to be living in this very building that I wanted to move into. We have become pretty close now, even though they have been broken up for awhile and she has a new love in her life. It is fine with me, I understand exactly. Couples meet couples fall in love. couples fall out of love. couples split up. Not all, but it is a common cycle.  

It has been difficult for me trying to write my blog now. All those topics that used to appeal to my readers had to do with homesteading, self-sufficiency and self-reliance. None of those activities are a part of my life any longer. I am on to other goals and a completely different lifestyle. Some of the things I wrote about though, I still do. I still cook, I still am frugal, I still am caring for my pet rabbit and other things too. I remember all those days before I moved here wondering if I would even keep this blog going. I decided to do away with Solar Baby, my blog about living with solar, since I do not live with solar any longer. I have gotten so used to the grid electric, that I would not be able to get into writing an article about the solar. As my old life is fading, my new one is focusing on me more, not the lifestyle. 

At the age of 66, I want to establish a life that is simple, focused on me and accomplish the goals I had set down on paper more than two years ago. I am doing that right now. After I got moved in and settled, I had to get my son moved near by. He is disabled and I look out for him. Not easy, since he an adult and can be stubborn at times. But it is extremely important to me that he is a part of my life. I still have a number of health issues to take care of and one I am working on tomorrow. My first appointment to deal with that. It is a good feeling as I cross out a goal that I have accomplished. Some of them I never thought I would. 

It took me a few months to finally get my apartment set up and bring my stuff from my house and include it in this small 338 square foot room. I have a storage area downstairs also. So that helps, but it is not that big. I still have canning equipment to pick up from my house and not sure if I will actually be canning here. I do not have much room or need for that much food. Maybe I will sell that stuff little by little over time. Some of my jars are from my parents and I am quite sentimental about those. It is best for them to go to people who need them and will use them. The same sentiment I had when I sold their home. My first purchase of canning jars was from a lady who had lost her husband a few months before and did not need to can as much food anymore. She was a little sad selling them to me, but she kept some for small canning amounts. I loved doing it and it is hard knowing I may not ever do it again. 

Living in the downtown area of a small city makes it easier for me to do the things I need to do. Not having a vehicle is really not that hard since there is a few different types of public transportation here. They are much cheaper than a motor vehicle payment and related expenses. The bus is only fifty cents if you have a Medicare card, which I do. I just have not tried it yet. I was was waiting for a cool day. Now that fall is almost here, the weather hopefully will become cooler. Today it was. I could not stand to leave my air conditioned apartment the whole time it was so hot. I even dreaded going to the grocery store and I was riding in an air conditioned car. 

The one thing I have noticed is that your age is not what makes you feel old. It is either the way you live or not being happy and satisfied in your life. You can still have problems, illnesses, financial problems, family problems or a million other problems. You have to learn to deal with them so they do not overwhelm you. Set aside a certain time of the day to try to figure out how to take care of them and when that time is over, put those problems aside till tomorrow. My mom always said to make a list of your problems and under each one a list of the pros and cons of how to solve them. It has always helped me. Sometimes your problems are not as bad as you think. I had a friend recently step in and help me with some problems that I felt were strangling me. I was depressed and upset constantly. He stepped in a few days ago and WHOOSH! Like that, those problems are history! Thank you my friend, you know who you are! 

 

Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole

Updated 2021

Alone, But On My Own

Home

For almost my whole life, I never lived alone. I used to imagine what it would be like. To not have to make compromises or do things the way someone else tells you or expects you to do. To be free and independent comes with a price tag, at least for me it does. It is learning to not count on anyone else to share things with or to talk to at those times when you want to talk. It is at those times when I most miss living with someone. I realize I need to give it time and gradually, I will adjust. There are many people in my life who I can talk with, but I was never a phone person. Picking up the phone to call someone just to talk is not at all something I would do. Sometimes I just want to know someone is there and cares what is happening to me. I remember my father had said to my mother that when she dies, no one will ask him what his blood sugar reading was that morning and even care what it was. I have only been alone a little over three months now. For most of the time I was busy organizing and decorating my apartment. Now it is time for me to branch out to my new community.

Norwich Post Office

I have been taking some walks around my neighborhood and down the street. I wanted to see that I could make it to the post office so I could purchase money orders there to pay my rent. I was able to and I walked around a bit afterwards. So I see that I can get there and back on my own. Not sure what it will be like in the winter with snow on the sidewalk and how my rolling walker will do then. I will figure something out. When I was out walking though, I met a man who is the editor of the Journal of the Chenango County Historical Society. He talked to me for quite awhile. He wants me to write something about the area I used to live in. I know a lot about the history of the area. Mainly because there wasn't much information about it when I was researching it. Just getting started on this project. I am excited about it. Very strange to me that I would just meet someone on the street like that!

City Parking Lot in Norwich, NY

In my life now, I have the time to devote to friendships, family and other projects and hobbies that I did not have time for before. When you are living alone there are so many things that you could not do when you are living with others. If you are not hungry, there is no one else you have to worry about. If you want to sleep all day and stay up all night, there is no problem. It will not affect anyone else. If I want to bring home a kitten or another rabbit, it is up to me only. Nobody to ask or beg because I can do what I choose. Life will be what I want to do when I want to do it and with whom. Nobody to ask permission of and I will never allow myself to lose control of my own life again. One thing I will never do and that is live my life dependent on another person for financial or emotional support. It gives them the control over you and your freedom and independence.

That is not to say I do not want romance in my life, even at my age. I want it, I enjoy it and sharing a part of my life with someone else. As long as it is someone I can trust, have fun with, laugh together and love, yes, love too. Just because you care for someone and love them does not mean you let them take over your life or give up your freedom. It is as Billy Joel sang in one of his hit songs, it is a matter of trust. "But wait," you say, "I thought you don't want to answer to another person?" No, I don't. But if I have a committed relationship that is exclusive to one person, I would not be doing anything to violate that trust. Nor would he. Living  alone, that trust would still stand. Does that mean I would never live with another man? Now I can't answer that right now. I change my mind constantly, so all I can say is that it is not set in stone.

The Guernsey Memorial Library

If you have been living alone for a long time, you probably think I am a bit over dramatic, but the truth is, if you have been married for a very long time and always lived with someone, it is a very different life, this living alone life. I have always been quite introverted and usually had a small handful of friends instead of a large group, My hobbies are basically things like genealogy, online research, shopping and social media, reading, writing, music, photography and my pets. I still have plenty to keep me busy and living in a new city has been fun for me. Exploring everything nearby, within walking distance. A bonus is the library is directly across the street! So I have plenty to keep me busy here. I have many more plans and goals to reach that I needed to be living here to do. I will get to them, one at a time.......little steps.

Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole