Ask For Help When You Need It

There are many resources in place for the aging population in our country. I can't speak for other states, but New York state has agencies with services to assist you in aging in place at home. Being as independent as possible. I wish I had known about these years ago and could have found help for my parents. My mother had become bedridden and my father had to do everything with only help from their granddaughter and myself. It was tough on him, but he still lived to be 93 years old and pretty much independent. One important fact I have learned is that if you need or want assistance, you must ask for it! Yes, you have to make the calls and set up appointments on your own. 

Now I know many people are scared if you are getting help in your home. They think the next step is moving you into a nursing home. No, that is not what happens at all. I know when I worked in nursing homes we were told that we were seeing the smallest population of the elderly. Many more were living in their own homes independently or in retirement communities. In this time period, the baby boomers are the largest population of senior citizens. Keeping them in their own homes makes more sense. A situation I saw in nursing homes was that a person who lived in their own home might not be able to take care of themselves, let alone their home. That would be the reason they might be taken to a nursing home.  Because by then one of them might be needing more care. Their homes could be unsanitary and may have contributed to their health breaking down. 

What about the families of the elderly? Well, as you may know, many families have split up. They are living all over the country and may not even see each other on a regular basis. Or they are busy with their life. Working jobs that entail long hours and barely enough time to be at their own homes. And face it, some people just do not care to visit their parents or check up on them to see if they need help. If they talk to them on the phone, the parents do not want to complain or ask for help. Not from their kids! They feel they should be helping them not the other way around. I know that too well. I would go to my parents' home at least once a week to give my mother a bath and do her hair. I would color her hair once a month or so. She would cry that she should be doing for me not the other way around. I always told her she already did for me, now it was my turn. To be honest, even though we were always quite close, the conversations we had at this time were very meaningful to me. I treasure them always, as she has been gone now for going on 18 years. 

Another thing that can happen if one of a couple does go into a nursing home due to their health condition and need constant care is the one left at home is now alone. Sometimes the one left at home is not able to do all their spouse had been doing before their illness. Going back and forth between nursing home visits, caring for their home, maybe pets too and their self, guess what gets neglected? Yes, their self! Obviously they will already be depressed over their spouse not being home and not knowing whether they will die or not. I can't speak for all states, but in the state I live, New York, there is help for all of these situations. Obviously, income levels make a difference to qualify for each type of service. Often you will qualify even if you believe your income level is too high. They factor in all kinds of expenses to help you qualify.

If a spouse passes away, some people will not have enough money to live the way they were used to. I have seen many different situations where the surviving spouse was left with Social Security only. In these times of multiple marriages and children there are a lot of cases of the children not wanting to share with the stepparent. If you own a house or have a nest egg, take care of the kids before it comes to this. Even if you do, your own children can become monsters when you die. I would recommend having a family dinner and video taping the whole thing. Tell your family right then and there what will happen after you die and what is to be expected. Then go around the table and ask each and every person if they understand or have any objections. If they do, voice them right now. You can address them in front of the family and on the video. You may think that is overboard, but believe me it is not. No secrets at this time is important. 

I have seen families split up over this type of thing. The weird thing is the children may have treated their stepparent very well for years and never had a problem. Until their parent passed away and left the stepparent a house and some money. Some children never come around their parents until they are dying to make sure they get their share. Even if one of their sibling took care of their parents for many years. I would have that family dinner even if there is no stepparent situation. A split in your family after you are gone due to inheritance will cause a split that lasts forever. I know this for a fact, I have two of those splits in my own family. I will be addressing this topic in upcoming blog posts on this blog. I will try to give you an idea of what type of resources exist and maybe that will give you an idea of how to start in your area. Hopefully it will be of help to someone who is thinking about what would happen. Stay tuned........   

Copyright © 2020 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2020  Kathleen G. Lupole

Updated 2021

Much To Look Forward To As You Grow Older

In the park

My daily life is very full. I hardly seem to get everything done that I wanted before it is time to go to bed. As long as I can do what I want, when I want, then I am happy. Some people don't understand that as you grow older things are harder. It is not like you wake up one morning and can't do things. For me, it came along gradual. Back in the eighties I used to race walk among other things. For a work out I'd go to the local high school football field and run and up and down the stadium steps. Yes, I really did that! Sometimes I can't believe it myself. Now I am using a rolling walker almost constantly. The last couple of weeks, I have had to use "Jazzy" (my mobility chair) to take my garbage out or do my laundry. My knees have that tight, swollen feeling. My doctor had me get all kinds of x-rays. Even the ones where I had to stand up for the x-ray. Osteoarthritis. That is what it shows.

Sunny

Hot weather is another issue I have. I don't think I am still having hot flashes. I just think they forgot to leave me and move on to some other aging woman. Most of the time I am hot, even in winter. I barely had my heat on all winter and I live in New York state. The other afternoon I finally had an appointment with my hairdresser. She had to take my temperature before she could do my hair. It was 100.4! I thought she was teasing me when she first said that. Well, it was 82 degrees out and I sat on a chair in the sun outside the shop waiting for her. After sitting in the car awhile with the air conditioning on, my temperature was normal. 

Shop Healthy

Eating a healthy diet can't hurt if  you are suffering any type of pain. I tried other diets in the last few months. Instead I ended up coming back to the Ketogenic diet again. This time though, I will not eat one thing that is not Keto. Nor am I eating sugar substitutes. I think if I eat something sweet it makes me want more. Sometimes I overeat the Keto desserts or sweets, so for now I will try to skip those. I sometimes have all fruit (strawberry) spread which is just strawberries. Watching the carbs on it, so I make sure to measure it out. If you honestly follow whatever diet you are following, you will usually notice a difference.

Air Purifier

Today I am trying something new. I bought an air purifier from Amazon and just now plugged it in. What actually triggered me buying this is that my  neighbor on one side of me has been doing something with mothballs. I used to smell them a little in the hallway from another apartment across the hall. Now where I smell them the most is along the wall where my bed is located and along the wall in the kitchen where my cupboards are. I had to move my food that was not in glass or cans. I did not mention it to her because I do not want to have trouble with her. I did some research last month and I believe I have multiple chemical sensitivities. I think I have had them since around the eighties and I think my son does too (even though he smokes). I hope this will help as I research other ways to improve my apartment air.

Beauty is everywhere!

Key things to do to make growing older easier and not quite so stressful. Especially if you are alone. They are:

1. Make your home easy to get around in and to do the things you must or like to do. If you need to have some remodeling done to do this, then do so. It is worth the money. Or move into one that is already set up.

2. Keep busy! Do activities you enjoy. Learn how to do new things. Having your day planned keeps your mind busy. 

3. Personal care is SO important! It makes you feel good about yourself. I think it is well worth the money spent. Have your hair done. Get a manicure and/or a pedicure. Use personal products that make you feel pretty again.

4. Update your clothing! Yes, stop wearing the old stuff you wore when you still worked. Get new clothes in new styles and colors. 

5. Get outside in the sunlight every day if you can. Go for a walk in a park or just down the street. Plan a picnic with a friend.

6. If you are able, join a local YMCA or health club. If you have bad joints, swimming is the best exercise you can do. Besides the exercise it gives you, it is fun! 

7. Stay in touch with family and friends as much as possible. Not necessarily on social media either. Social media can add to your stress and if it does, I would limit my time on it (which I am trying to do right now).

8. Make new friends. I have made new friends when I moved into my apartment building two years ago. People keep asking me how to meet others. The best I can come up with is to leave your home! Go to local activities. Go to church. Go to the church dinners. Look in your newspaper for what is happening in your area.

9. Before you start your day, take some quiet time for you. I like to have my coffee before I look at my phone or computer. I sit in my rocking chair and spend that time with my pet, Rabbit. Then I might start reading a book or writing out my plans for the day. Most of the time though, I spend that time brushing Rabbit out.

10. Be yourself! Don't change for anyone else. Do the best you can do for you!

Copyright © 2020 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2020  Kathleen G. Lupole

Updated 2021

  

Improving My Immune System

Improving My Immune System Begins At The Store!

One of the things this Corona virus has taught me is that I really need to get to work on improving my immune system. I thought I had a good one. After I moved here two years ago, I got really sick. Every so often I will catch a cold or a bug of some kind now. In fact, I had just gotten over a really bad cold in February. If I am around someone who has a cold, I usually catch it. So that tells me it is time to work on the old immune system. Actually that is what everyone should do now because that would  protect you more than a vaccine. So I have been researching how to improve my immune system and make it stronger. I realize it will be more work at my age, soon to be 68, but I have to start now.

No Smoking Community

It goes without saying, that if you smoke you need to quit. I don't smoke so no need to worry about that. My biggest concern is being around people smoking near me. I am fortunate to live in a no smoking community and can''t praise it enough. I have been around smoking recently and the next two days I suffered badly. Never again. I learned not to put myself in that position again. Limiting your alcohol is another on the list for improving your immunity. I do not drink either so I am okay there too.

Fresh Produce For Rabbit & Me

Now for the biggie........food! Eating wholesome unprocessed foods is the key. Reading labels making sure to know what exactly is in your food. I am avoiding preservatives as well as sugar (and hidden sugars as well) and white flour and other processed ingredients. I am not buying sugar substitutes for now as I want to lose my fondness for sweets. Sugar is a very addicting substance and it has a negative effect on your body. Trying to eat as much fresh fruits and vegetables as I can. One of the drawbacks of my my apartment is that I can no longer have a garden. I miss my garden so much. The last couple of years at my old house, the gardens did not do well. The beds, lawn and compost had become over populated with some kind of weed. It must have been in the hay that the horses ate. I am fortunate to live in an area of farms that sell at the farmers' markets.

My Water Supply

The one thing I am horribly bad about is drinking enough water. In Chinese medicine the doctor will ask if you are a not a thirsty person, or are you a thirsty person that drinks or one that does not drink. I am afraid I am the last. I don't drink anything after my second cup of coffee in the morning. Then I forget about it till bedtime. Sometimes I drink a couple of glasses of water or ice tea just before going to bed. I am going to really work on this. I have post-it notes all over my apartment to remind me to drink water. Staying hydrated is important for your immune system.

Plenty of food now!

Stress is another important element in strengthening your immune system. For the last two years my stress level has gone way down. Money and debt used to be a big part of that. Living here though that is pretty much gone. I have no more of that worry. If you live alone, they say that is not good for a long life. But I think they are wrong on that. This is the first time in my life I have lived completely alone (unless you count Rabbit) and my stress is almost gone. I have paid off a good deal of the debt I came here with. I am comfortable and have whatever food I need or want. I have friends but no fighting or stressful situations.

There are certain foods and vitamins needed for a healthy immune system. My thought on that is to eat a balanced diet, but a varied diet and you should get all you need. Instead of snacking on chips or Doritos, clean and cut up a bowl of fruit or vegetables as an alternative. Do your own research but these are the foods I am going to be including: Berries, Citrus Fruits, Green and Orange Vegetables, Nuts and Seeds, Organic Yogurt with Live Cultures. Cook with a lot of garlic, mushrooms, onions, bell peppers, ginger and turmeric. I try to buy as much produce as I can eat within about 4-5 days.

I have someone who makes me laugh for sure!

Lastly, spend time enjoying life. Laughter is a stress reliever. So take time out with someone who makes you laugh. Watch some sitcoms (like Seinfeld, Mash, Rhoda, etc.) or stand-up comedians on YouTube (like Jeanne Robertson or Sebastian Maniscalco). Relaxing with friends or in nature. Just sitting in the park across the street from my home is calming for me. I hear the birds singing, see children playing in the  playground, feel the sun on my skin and meditate in the outdoors. Life is so short, you don't want to miss any moments of your own.

We are NOT doctors or health professionals!

I am not a doctor or a health expert in any way. This is the way I have started working on my own health on my own. Not following anyone's particular plan or diet. Just what I feel is right for myself. Do your own research and you should be able to find what works best for you.

Copyright © 2020 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2020  Kathleen G. Lupole

Updated 2021

A Peaceful Spot

Right now in this period of the quarantine due to the Corona virus, I have been taking this time to do things that I may not always have time to do. When I moved here two years ago, I had written down my goals. I had definite plans on how I would achieve them. I have done a number of them, but have much more to do. My daily life has not really changed that much due to being in quarantine. I am basically a homebody. I like to be home and never get bored. Matter of fact, my days seem to fly by too fast! Sometimes I get started on a project one day and then don't get back to it for a few more days because I got sidetracked. I hate when I do that, but that's life. I am sure everyone does that.

Wearing my mask!

My apartment, like me, is always evolving. It is a work in progress and will continue forever......or at least MY forever. I realized I had too much clutter. It may not seem like clutter, but too many family photos, too many ceramic knick-knacks (made by my Mom long, long ago), too many books and DVD's. This is one of the things I am working on. It is hard when you have to deal with the sentimental side of objects. I chose not to get rid of them, but they don't have to be displayed prominently taking up precious space. I put some of them in curio cabinet where I usually only had my cat collection. At least they are right here and I can see them and they are protected and not getting dusty.

I am not exactly a minimalist either, but probably halfway between that and a Bohemian. The Boho style usually involves a lot of clutter as decor items. I don't want that look. That means a lot of time and effort spent dusting and I definitely don't want that. I like a free and airy style in my home. Plants bringing a bit of nature in is a comforting element. My pet house rabbit has more than a few items that take up some of my space. I don't mind. He is worth it. I keep analyzing my space trying to  figure out how I can make room for a recliner. I would really like one so I can put my legs up.

Living in such a small space is not difficult or uncomfortable. As long as I keep it orderly and uncluttered. I feel a cluttered home is stressful. My prior home I had named "Peaceful Forest" as most of my readers know. It was quiet, as far as sound goes, but not peaceful at all. The stress of living in a home that had no order will get to anyone eventually. I call my home now, "kat's Studio" but I should call it "kat's Peaceful Studio" or "Peaceful Spot". Living in an apartment building with a lot of people you would think it was noisy. It is very quiet. Some days when people are going out I might hear them talking by the elevator but not very loud. I can go for days of not seeing anyone unless I go downstairs to get my mail or to the laundry room.

A close friend of mine had a problem with her stepson after her husband had died. She told him not to come to her house as it was her sanctuary from the world. She told me she never allowed negative energy from anyone in her home. I can see that now in my own home. There has never been any negative energy here and never will. It is my peaceful spot.

Copyright © 2020 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2020  Kathleen G. Lupole

Updated 2021

No Time For Fear

“What you imagine as overwhelming or terrifying while at leisure, becomes something you can cope with when you must, there is no time for fear.” 

Rebecca Solnit

I wrote this and my other blogs focused on the modern homesteading life. Always pointing out to my readers that there were no rules. You never had to follow any rules, regulations or guides to being a modern homesteader. People would tell me that they could not do it because they did not, or could not, live off the grid. I knew living off the grid was no proof that you would be a real modern homesteader. I always felt deep inside that I was not really living what people believed it to be. I believed it meant something way beyond living off the grid. Generating your own power really had nothing to do with modern homesteading. Nothing at all.

One thing I have come to recognize is that it is easy to be prepared and be self-sufficient when you live in the country. Not so much living in a city. Especially living downtown in an apartment building. This needs to be the focus of my life now. Being prepared living this way as much as possible. As more people age, they may have to step back from that life of country living. It does help if you have your health and physical ability. I do not. I cannot walk far at all. Barely any distance without my walker. Do not say, "I would never move to the city or a  town," instead say, "What would I do if I had to move to a city or town because of my health or financial situation?" You never know.

Instead of waiting for an emergency situation to appear, such as what we are living through now, the Coronavirus. Everyone needs to prepare before it happens. Instead of maxing out your credit cards or using all your savings on buying supplies suddenly, do it before it happens. It won't always be for a virus such as this. It could be a trucking strike, a natural disaster such as a hurricane, a flood, an ice storm or it could be an illness in your family or a new roof expense. If you have your food and supplies and a roof over your head, that is the key to any kind of emergency that might occur.

Since I am living downtown in a small city I have to figure this out. How can I best prepare for anything if I have to stay in my building for two weeks or more? As a senior citizen with mobility issues, this is the plan I have in place. You would need to make your own plan based on your life and health. As long as I do not need to go to the store for anything, I am fine. My son lives down the block from me. So he can always come here to me. This explains why so many people became anxious about getting that toilet paper and food. They always do this when a storm is coming, but now this is country wide not just a certain area. And they did not know how long they may have to stay home.

One thing I think that will hinder your efforts to prepare is if you live with other people, family or not. Many times, I find that others will use your hidden supplies or not want to spend the money on any to begin with. They would rather get a pizza then buy a bag of canned foods to put away. You need to sacrifice. Living alone means it is easier. I can live on leftovers for a week if I cooked a big amount of something. No leftovers get wasted in my home. If I don't want to eat the same thing over and over, I can put it in the freezer.

I do a lot of cooking. I buy larger packages of meat because they are cheaper. Then I repackage them using a vacuum sealer and store them in the freezer in my refrigerator. Even in a small studio apartment I have room for a small freezer, if I chose to have one. I could do store more food. My neighbor has a freezer in her apartment and is never concerned about not having enough food. I don't feel the need to do that. Maybe if I was living with another person I would consider it.

If you are concerned about the expense of stocking up food and supplies, this is the way I do it and have tried to do it for years. Put in your budget a certain amount of money for your prepping food and supplies. What I did was to take the money I used to spend on ice cream, snacks and bread and now I spend that money on my stocking up food and supplies. I might put aside as little as $5.00 a month for that. Then I buy things like canned ground beef, pork, tuna fish, chili beans, garbanzo beans, pasta sauce, vinegar or laundry soap. The next month, I buy completely different things. Just keep doing that. If you use some of it, replace it quickly.

Water is kind of tricky to store for the future. I am not really comfortable with plastic bottles, even though that is now what I am using. I do what I have to do. You need to work with what you have or can get. You could get a water filter for the water that comes from your faucet. If you had the water filter on the faucet at the sink, you could fill canning jars with water when you knew ahead of time about an emergency situation in the near future.

Becoming panicky or depressed over this whole situation will not help you. Stress will cause you to become fearful and that alone can cause you to get sick. My mother always told me not to worry about something until I had no choice. So I try not to worry ahead of time. I just keep on with my life, staying busy and not stressing over what I might get. Now if we are confined to our homes for a certain period of time, it would not cause me to panic. Every time something happens though, it is a test to see what I should or should not do. What did I need that I didn't have? I prepared for a power outage and instead had a different type of emergency. You learn as you live through these emergencies.

Copyright © 2020 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2020  Kathleen G. Lupole

Updated 2021

Discovering Who You Are Meant To Be

My life before I got into the homesteading lifestyle was much different. For many years, I lived in a beautiful home and drove beautiful cars. I went on vacations, belonged to a health club, regularly had manicures and hair appointments. I did not worry too much about the price when I spent a day shopping at our local mall. Spending the week-ends or a week or two at a resort in the Catskills, at Long Beach in NY or out at Fire Island were my routine. My son and I went out to dinner several times a week with my husband at that time (Jeff's father). Even with all that, life was not really that great. I always felt my husband made all the decisions. I felt like I had lost myself and who I was. You know, like deep down.

It took me many years since then to discover myself again. The homesteading lifestyle derailed me for a time. It was not for me. It was too hard. Too expensive. Too depressing. I tried to love it. I wrote about it and learned about it. Maybe if my husband had loved it too or wanted it as much as I did. I thought he did in the beginning. I figured this lifestyle is what I've got, so might as well make the best of it. I could not stick it out for the rest of my life. I just could not. Not for my own sanity. Not for my horses' lives. I had online friends who I felt turned on me. I don't really know for sure, but people I thought of as friends who deleted me and blocked me. Or ignored me. They stayed friends with my husband. I couldn't help but feel that they judged me for leaving, for giving up the homesteading life. They did not live in my house and see the true story. They will never know it.

Now I have been here on my own for almost two years and I am discovering me! Slowly, but surely finding my way again. After so many years of not being able to do things that everyone takes for granted, I am enjoying life again. I remember a few years back asking, "What is fun?" I didn't know what it felt like at that point. I lost the memory of it. I know now. I have fun quite often. I recommend to anyone, man or woman, living in an unhappy situation to change it as soon as possible. Life is too short to be miserable. Don't make your happiness dependent on another person. Someday, you may be alone. Find your own happiness and if you have someone to share it with, that is wonderful. If not, you can still have a happy life.

My tips for creating a happy life are:

1. A home. Wherever you live make your home inviting to you. Even if it is just a room in your parents' house. Do not let it be cluttered because that affects your frame of mind. I  know this from first hand experience. I have lived both ways in my life and every time I was in a cluttered home, I was depressed. Throw everything out and clean it. Then decorate it.

2. Cook! Yes, cooking your food adds to the happiness factor. The routine of shopping for your food, preparing it and eating, is a way of showing how much you love yourself. You can share your meal, but you don't have to. I like to try new recipes and methods of cooking. It is fun (yes, that fun word again) and then comparing notes with your friends who cook too.

3. Music. Music has always been something I love. I like all kinds of music so not stuck in one genre means I am open to listening to new music. I play CD's almost daily and it always turns my mood up a notch or two. Try it! It is better than watching television.

4. Reading. I do not know how I would survive without the option of reading books. Now most of my books are eBooks on my Kindle. And that has made me read even more. I had gotten where I could not read very well because of my eyes and I lived in a dark house. Now I can read whenever I want and have plenty of lights.

5. Love. Well, I cannot ignore love and the importance it plays in our lives. I was soured on love. I had no expectations of finding love or being in love ever again. Some people have to have a love relationship in their lives. I don't know about myself, as I have never had a long enough period in my life ever, of being alone without a relationship. I really do not go looking for one. It just happens. As it has again. It does make you enjoy life a lot more. BUT you do not need a relationship to be happy and enjoy your life. I do not want to say anything more about that. I don't want to jinx it.

6. Family. I do not have a large immediate family. Just my son who lives a couple of blocks away. I have a brother but we do not see each other very often. I love all my many cousins, but my relationships with them is mostly online. I am always hoping to see them, but haven't been able to do that yet. If you do not have a family, you can always spend time with friends and after awhile they will become your family.

7. Pets. I would be mistaken if I did not include pets. Pets will make you happy. Yes, they cost money, time and often, stress. But they bring you so much more than that. I think if you are not happy and do not have a pet presently, getting one may change your whole life.

8. Finances. It goes without saying that your finances will affect your ability to be happy or not. Living without any money is no picnic. I know this from my own life. I have lived for too many years without enough money to cover my bills. Now I have been slowly climbing out of that hole I had been in. I am able to afford to do things I could not do before. But you have to start. If you do not at least start, you will never get out. My number one tip on that is to write by hand a budget every single month. Then live by that. If you want to buy something, put it on your budget for the next month. It takes away that cloud you were living under. What a relief!

9.Personal Care. Personal care is something you do not do when you have no money or time or whatever other reason. Personal care is so very important. Yes, you can give yourself a manicure or cut your own hair........BUT that is not the same! To have a professional give you a service they are trained for makes you feel, oh so special! Do those things you have been neglecting. Get your hair cut. Have your nails done. Buy that lipstick. Color your hair. Get dressed up and go out to a nice restaurant. You deserve it and most of all you NEED it. I know this is true because it is what I do now and I never feel guilty.

10. Be true to yourself. Be who you were meant to be. Don't dress to please someone else. Don't go places you do not want to go. Say what you feel. The most important person to please is yourself. It may sound selfish, but you will be a much happier and better person by doing so. For other people in your life, wouldn't they rather be around a cheerful, pleasant person than an old grumpy grouch all the time?

You can make your own list of what you feel, need or want. This is my list and I am positive doing these things in my life have helped me discover the person I was meant to be. If you are not happy with your life, you need to start on it today.

Copyright © 2020 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2020  Kathleen G. Lupole

Updated 2021