Thursday, July 19, 2018

Asking For Help To Leave A Bad Situation

Life is full of ups and downs. When you get into a situation in your life that is difficult and you can't change, you many times, have to pretend it is normal and happy. So you get used to answering questions as if you are. Normal. Happy. Even though you are far from it. Presenting a happy face to the world so nobody knows. Feeling ashamed. Ashamed that you are not living like everyone else is. Everyone knows it takes money to change just about anything in life. I used to go to a website that had a post, How To Leave Your Husband When You Have No Money To Start Over. The comments on it were heartbreaking! So many other people, not just women, some men too, were desperate for this magic formula! I would go back there over and over. I even copied the comments to my Kindle so I could read them at night.

On Facebook everyone keeps a low profile on those issues. So if and when you finally do leave, people may be saying you are crazy. How could you leave such a good man or woman? Maybe he was a good man or woman, on Facebook. Because you portrayed him that way. You made him or her look good. You made your life look good and happy. Now I know there are some people who ask for help. They set up a GoFundMe page and write posts on Facebook asking for donations. There is nothing wrong with that, but it is not for everyone. Maybe it wasn't even your spouse's fault. Maybe it was because you had no money and was not able to live a normal life. No matter how you live, you will need money for many things. Sometimes you have to slip in under the wire, just pushing what little bit of money you have around your bills and essentials.

If you have to pay a vehicle payment because you have to have one based on where you live, then if you really need food and every cent must go to a vehicle payment, what do you do? You pay the payment because without it, you couldn't go to the store or even a food pantry for food. Not having children at home, makes it easier to go without food. Instead if you had a  garden and canned your harvest, you might have enough jars to at least survive. "Don't have an automobile loan to begin with," you say? The alternative is to pay cash for a good one, but how can you even begin to save up that money for the vehicle? Even a cheap one? Then add in the factors of physical disabilities and aging. Applying for employment but not able to get any sort of work. Or not having any transportation to and from possible employment. It wears on you over time. It makes you not have any hope left. Soon you are living to just get through each day to the next one. That my readers, is called being hopeless!

What you must do if you find yourself in such a situation is to go to your local county government website and find help. There are many that will help you get out of a bad situation. One thing that holds people back is their children. If you are elderly, such as I was, the local office for the aging is a gem. They will help senior citizens, and even those closing in on those golden years. If you are living without essentials, with children or not, the adult protective services will assist you also. They do not want to see you living without normal essentials. I know it is hard to swallow your pride and ask for help. But that is what you must do to get out of any bad situation. Or you will waste your life waiting for something to change..........and chances are, it never will.

If your situation is such that you need medical care, but cannot afford it, then you must do something as soon as possible. Insurance and co-pays being out of sight, if you have no extra money, make it difficult. Being without transportation may make it even more difficult. Even if you manage to get a ride to a doctor. So make some calls. Make a local friend on social media. Reach out for help and someone will respond. Believe me, I know this. I had many of my friends contact me who were reading between the lines of my social media and my blog posts. Nobody goes into a relationship expecting to need help to get out of it. But many end up that way. Ask for the help as soon as you suspect you are in that situation. It will not get  any better, just worse.

I am not talking here about domestic violence in the sense of physical abuse. Emotional abuse is rampant and most times the victim does not even consider it abuse or wrong. It feels like control. Someone, other than yourself, has control over you with their actions and words. It may not look like abuse, but it is very much so. Keeping you and your children if you have ones at home, in an unsafe environment by control of the finances or transportation. Even with the food supply. Making you feel sorry for the abuser when you try to leave. Not giving you a chance to speak or to listen to what you are saying or asking. There are many other forms and you can research it yourself and find out a lot more than I can provide here. I really did not know that much about it until a friend brought it to my attention. The most important thing I can think of to say is to do something about your situation today! Make a call! Talk to a friend! Just do it now!


Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole
All Photographs Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole

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