I am listening for a sound or a signal from someone,
or something to touch me down deep;
that will remind me, why I am here.
Or where I came from and where I will go.
Timeless visions embedded in my mind,
that remind me of sights I have seen.
Of looks that have become stuck in an endless reel,
over and over again, backwards and forwards,
with no end. A loop that just keeps going,
my mind sees it over and over and needs relief,
but it never stops, this parody called my life.
Early morn I arise at first light,
see the glint of sun in the sky.
Hope abides in my thoughts for the day,
it will be better, I will be sane today.
I will feel the air against my skin,
and sunshine will bathe me in its rays.
Hope and dreams for a better day
for today, and every day as it begins.
Though somewhere in my morning,
those thoughts are erased from my mind,
now dark thoughts, discouraging words
are all that remain.
I searched and searched for someone or something,
to lift my sadness even for a day, for an hour or so.
There is no remedy for that coming from any being.
The only one that has that power is me.
Not sure it would comply with what I need or seek,
having spent a lifetime in search of it needlessly.
Now my days are spent in endless boring tasks,
chores that run my house, but have no affect on me.
Nothing that makes me think, hope or dream,
nothing that makes me happy, alive or full of joy.
It is all sad, unhappy moments in a woman’s lifetime,
that consumes her every thought through out her day.
Will it ever end? Will she ever be free? When?
She feels like she is wrong. She is living in her fantasy world,
but feels like a whore. Feels like she is doing wrong for wanting,
for wanting a life that is hers, a life that is fun and happy.
What is life if not meant to be enjoyed? Is it just for work,
boredom and doing for others, what they can do for themselves?
How do you escape this dull gray life for life beyond?
How? Can someone tell me? Tell me it is possible,
not a futile dream from novels and movies,
that make up her fantasy world.
Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole
All Photographs Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole