I know everyone thinks of me as a positive person. Always looking for something good in every situation. Yesterday I had an appointment in my apartment with my new counselor from adult services. She is new to this job. Her boss told her she was sending her out on a fun appointment and that I had a pet rabbit! Now I take that as a compliment! You know how many of those social workers can be difficult to talk to or even make a joke with. I do remember earlier in the year having an appointment with her boss and we were laughing and sharing stories about our experiences on building our family trees. Mine has become quite extensive and talking about it is something I love to do. That is another post for another day.
It is not easy staying positive when things around you are crazy. I live in a senior housing apartment building so many of my friends and neighbors are elderly and/or disabled. Some can use a computer and some just use a phone. Others will say proudly that they don't know how to use a computer. Then they are knocking on my door asking me to find something online or print out something for them. One neighbor uses the computer across the street at the library. At least he uses one.
One of the things I am not too positive about is getting Libre Office (the writing software I use in my computer) into this new computer. I was used to having someone else do these things for me and having to learn to do it on my own is a whole new thing. I am determined to work it out. I do not use Windows but Ubuntu as my operating system. It is more complicated when you are not a software engineer yourself. I am considering taking a class on it so that I will know how to handle all these things myself. Probably easy to do if you know what to do.
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Working on the computer is something I can do even when I am unable to walk. Some days walking is incredibly difficult so sitting at my computer is a lifesaver for me. I went almost 19 years without watching any television so doing so now is not something I do a lot. At least not during the daytime hours. I am a computer person and always will be. I cannot waste my time sitting around being depressed about it. I just have to remember to get up and move around even when I am in pain. My worst pain is when I stand in place for even a little bit of time. If I keep moving, I am okay.
One thing I know about myself is that it is important for me to take my time to react to something. I make it a rule to never show my anger. Not that I don't have it, but after living with a very angry person for many years, I know it can get the better of you. You might say, write or do something that will affect your life forever. Take at least a day or more to think about it. I always write it down. Writing something has always been my way of dealing with any problem or troubling thoughts I have. Which is one reason I need to get Libre Office into this computer.............my journals are written using it.
Every day I am grateful for the changes I made in my life in 2018. I dread to think what would have become of me if I hadn't. I think I was at my breaking point at the end of 2017 and I really thought I was going to die. The move here to my own apartment by myself has become the most significant thing I have ever done for myself. I realize now that after being married three times that I was not meant to live like that. Marriage is not for everyone and it was not for me. I was never happy and my favorite times was when my husband would leave to go somewhere. Now I wake up every morning to my own place with complete freedom of how to spend my day!
Copyright © 2021 Kathleen G. Lupole
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