Random Thoughts on my Mind Today

Downtown Norwich, NY

 

Recently I took a walk with one of my friends who lives next door. Crossing the street to the park, talking and enjoying the sunshine and fresh air was so refreshing because I usually walk alone. There are actually four parks within walking distance of my apartment building. My favorite thing to do is to take my camera and take pictures while on my walk. Then I find a spot to sit and just people watch. Sometimes there are no people! The city I live in is not huge, so many times I go for a walk and don't pass another person the whole time. Now the traffic is another story! 

When I moved here I chose not to get a car of my own. The reason was because of the expense. My experience with vehicles is that they are very expensive even if you drive an old one. In fact, an old cheap one would probably be even more expensive due to repairs. I am quite happy with the decision not to own one. In winter I see the people cleaning off their cars so the snowplow can remove the snow in our parking lot.  I am relieved I don't have to do that. I am keeping my driver's license though so I can drive a car if I need to. 

On the way to the store!

Unfortunately I cannot walk to the grocery store. It is too far for me so I take my mobility chair, "Jazzy" when I need to shop. I also have a subscription to Instacart which I have used mostly in the winter so far. Race walking used to be my form of exercise in my previous life. Now just walking with a walker to the dumpster outside my building is an accomplishment. One of the things I want to stress to others is that no matter what disability you have it is important to strive for doing something out of your comfort zone. Otherwise you become stagnant. Not only in your physical body but in your mind as well. Instead of saying, "I can no longer do this." Say, "Since I can't do that now I will do this instead." 

Even a weed has a purpose though many only see it as a pest.

I know it is not easy to look beyond what you are going through at the moment. Sometimes I can't see past today. Wondering why I can't walk like I used to? Why did I have to have this Lymphedema on top of it all? Well, I remember my mother saying she couldn't understand why God let her get Cushings Syndrome and become crippled for life. I am not sure why we have to get diseases and accidents that impair us for life. Maybe it is not apparent to me right now. For myself, I have satisfied myself with the answer that I have to be an example or a helper in some way to others. 

I LOVE BUNNIES!!!!

A few days ago the thing that was upsetting me was that I had been banned on "fakebook" (as I call it, I know that is not its name and I don't care) for commenting "head shot" on a photo of a wild rabbit looking directly in the camera. Of course anyone who knows me knows I would NEVER be promoting shooting a rabbit with anything other than a camera! When they said that to me and that I was going against community standards that was it for me. I knew I did not want to be censored by them any longer or belong to their so called community.  The thing is I have felt for a very long time that fakebook promotes violence every day. So I am not planning on going back. When my time is up I will be taking all my own content off and give everyone my contact information. 

Copyright © 2022 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2022  Kathleen G. Lupole

Staying Positive In A Crazy World

I know everyone thinks of me as a positive person. Always looking for something good in every situation. Yesterday I had an appointment in my apartment with my new counselor from adult services. She is new to this job. Her boss told her she was sending her out on a fun appointment and that I had a pet rabbit! Now I take that as a compliment! You know how many of those social workers can be difficult to talk to or even make a joke with. I do remember earlier in the year having an appointment with her boss and we were laughing and sharing stories about our experiences on building our family trees. Mine has become quite extensive and talking about it is something I love to do. That is another post for another day.

It is not easy staying positive when things around you are crazy. I live in a senior housing apartment building so many of my friends and neighbors are elderly and/or disabled. Some can use a computer and some just use a phone. Others will say proudly that they don't know how to use a computer. Then they are knocking on my door asking me to find something online or print out something for them. One neighbor uses the computer across the street at the library. At least he uses one. 

One of the things I am not too positive about is getting Libre Office (the writing software I use in my computer) into this new computer. I was used to having someone else do these things for me and having to learn to do it on my own is a whole new thing. I am determined to work it out. I do not use Windows but Ubuntu as my operating system. It is more complicated when you are not a software engineer yourself. I am considering taking a class on it so that I will know how to handle all these things myself. Probably easy to do if you know what to do.

Working on the computer is something I can do even when I am unable to walk. Some days walking is incredibly difficult so sitting at my computer is a lifesaver for me. I went almost 19 years without watching any television so doing so now is not something I do a lot. At least not during the daytime hours. I am a computer person and always will be. I cannot waste my time sitting around being depressed about it. I just have to remember to get up and move around even when I am in pain. My worst pain is when I stand in place for even a little bit of time. If I keep moving, I am okay.

One thing I know about myself is that it is important for me to take my time to react to something. I make it a rule to never show my anger. Not that I don't have it, but after living with a very angry person for many years, I know it can get the better of you. You might say, write or do something that will affect your life forever. Take at least a day or more to think about it. I always write it down. Writing something has always been my way of dealing with any problem or troubling thoughts I have. Which is one reason I need to get Libre Office into this computer.............my journals are written using it. 

Every day I am grateful for the changes I made in my life in 2018. I dread to think what would have become of me if I hadn't. I think I was at my breaking point at the end of 2017 and I really thought I was going to die. The move here to my own apartment by myself has become the most significant thing I have ever done for myself. I realize now that after being married three times that I was not meant to live like that. Marriage is not for everyone and it was not for me. I was never happy and my favorite times was when my husband would leave to go somewhere. Now I wake up every morning to my own place with complete freedom of how to spend my day!

Copyright © 2021 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2021  Kathleen G. Lupole

Living Your Best Life, Disabilities Included!

Recently I heard someone say that age does not matter if you want to establish new goals. I agree to an extent. If the goals can be attained at an older age or with certain disabilities that we have acquired along the way. For myself, I never saw walkers and mobility chairs being in my future. Obviously I cannot race walk or work out with free weights in a gym (as I used to do in the past). I think it means that you have to change the goals you have. Start doing things you can do at your age or with whatever disability you now have. For some people that leads to depression. They can only do that one thing they used to do. Or used to aspire to do or to become. You have to let go of that dream and create new dreams!

The internet gives everyone the freedom to travel the world online. To research with a click of a mouse. Music or art can be created with a computer instead of a studio. You can start a blog and have it up and online in a few minutes. Maybe I cannot grow food in my own garden now but I can buy it from someone who does. I can make my home comfortable and happy for my rabbit and me. I have never been a real social person to begin with, so life on my own has been very satisfying so far. I am learning to handle my disabilities and live with them. Every day I am working on creating my own so called "normal life" which is not the same for everyone else.

It is true that God has given us only one life. Nobody can dispute that. The common goal everyone should share is to make the best of it. Even if you are poor or in bad health. My own mother was bedridden in her last few years. I know she had become very depressed and bitter about that fact. It did not consume her though. She crocheted 50 beautiful baby sweaters for me to sell on eBay when I needed money. It gave her life purpose and I am not sorry that I needed the money at that time. I think it was meant to be. By helping me, she was helping herself.

Not all disabilities are physically painful, but most are. So dealing with pain and actually accomplishing something can be the most difficult hurdle to clear. If you are married to someone or in a relationship with someone who does not have a disability themselves, that can cause more pain. They don't understand where you are coming from. Or why you have turned into a grumpy person who is hard to be around. Or why you can no longer do your part of the work at home. Or why you left a job or have bills for medical treatments and drugs. Or why you no longer want to be physically intimate. Soon you start feeling like you are doing something wrong. You are not. 

"Jazzy" My Mobility Chair

I have always written out goals or a "to do" list, whatever you want to call it. Big goals farther away. Little steps to reach those goals. Try to focus on what you need or want in your life and go after it. Now that I live here alone, I can do what I want and other people are not causing me neglect a goal. If I do that, it is me, my own fault! I will not blame someone else or the circumstances. Today write out about five long term goals. Then write smaller goals that you have to do first to attain those long term ones. Put it up where you will see it every day. Then read it over and over, every day, all day long. Let it sink into your brain. Good luck!

Copyright © 2021 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2021  Kathleen G. Lupole

Traveling To The Store

My apartment is about 3 blocks from my closest grocery store. I have not been able to walk to it. Not even with my rolling walker. Months ago, I made it as far as the post office with it, but I didn't feel confident enough to go that far. Especially across that large, hot parking lot. In February, I purchased a mobility chair. A few of my neighbors in my apartment building use these chairs and scooters to get around town. They travel at a pretty fast clip. I was excited about buying the chair, but scared to use it. Once I got over the initial fear that I was not going to tip over, especially going up and down the ramp, I started using it more.

Broad Street in Norwich, NY

I met a man one day who was shopping using his mobile scooter. He stopped and talked to me. I told him I wasn't sure if I could make it to the grocery store. I doubted if my battery would hold the charge long enough to go there and back. He took a look at my battery charge meter and said it was fine and I would easily be able to go there and back and then some. So I did. That was my first time. Ever since then, I have loved going places with my chair.

Pride Jazzy Mobility Chair

My chair, I call "Jazzy" due to the manufacturer named it that. It is made by Pride Mobility and I am impressed with the quality of every part of my chair. I feel comfortable now going up and down the ramp to my building and even navigating the sidewalk ramps around my city. There are areas along my routes that have bad deteriorating sidewalks and I am just careful going around those if I can. I do not want to damage Jazzy in any way or ruin a tire.

My New Shopping Bag

Now that I am able to go to the grocery store, I feel so much freedom in doing so. I bought a large zippered insulated bag for the back of my chair to carry my groceries in. It was $7.99 at my local Aldi's and worth every penny. I bought ice cream and drove home along a longer route than usual and when I got home my ice cream was still frozen brick hard. Now that is well insulated as it was a very hot day!

"I made it!"

If you are trapped inside due to any type of health issues, it can cause you to get pretty depressed. One of these chairs or scooters gives you a way to get outside and around town. Living downtown is a lot of fun if you can walk or ride to the little shops, drugstores, the library, parks, restaurants and cafes. During the good weather there are a lot of outdoor activities taking place within two minutes of my apartment. Just don't forget to put your battery on the charger at night! 

Copyright © 2019 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2019  Kathleen G. Lupole

Updated 2023

Physical Limitations On The Homestead

The Road To My House This Morning

The chickadees and blue jays are making their selves known now, after spending the summer out in the forest. The robins are still here, but not quite as prominent as before. I am always so sad to see them leave. One day, maybe in September we will notice they are not here anymore. Then fall will be here. I can't help to be sad to see the end of summer this year. This has been our best summer so far in 11 years of living here. Our garden is the best we have ever had and I don't want to see it end. Fall has always been my favorite season but my husband is having some physical problems and I worry about the hard winter on the horizon.

My winter squash and pumpkins in the garden are looking good. I will be canning them and probably buying more to add to them. Our apple tree this year is the best I have ever seen. The apples look good and are much bigger than usual. Usually they don't look real good and we end up feeding them to our horses. I always buy apples to supplement our pantry and can some and keep some for fresh eating. Fill your pantry as much as possible now while you can grow or buy the food fresh.

Pumpkins are growing good!

As you get older you will get many physical complaints and it is not easy to live with. My knees are so bad now that I am using  a walker in the kitchen. Outside I carry a small shovel with me but use it like a walking stick. I try to work around my physical problems. Goodness, I am only 58 and feel I shouldn't be in this bad of shape. After all, I was an avid exerciser most of my life. I belonged to a health club and also had gym in my home. Race walking and working out with weights were two of my passions. How could this happen to me?

One thing that has helped me very much is my Neuton garden cart. It is electric and I can take buckets of water or compost out to the garden or wherever. Makes it easier for me if I do not have to be asking someone to assist me. Right now I am still in the process of automating by ordering supplies online, so I don't have to try to walk around in stores like Walmart or the grocery stores. I shop at one Mennonite market, Pine Ridge and one local restaurant supply store, MainesSource, but for the most part, I'd rather buy online. No walking or driving to it.

This week-end I spent part of the day picking blackberries with my son and the other half organizing my pantry and putting away foods that I had just canned. Now I am hoping to buy beets and carrots to can, as for some reason or other,  I can't get either one to start in my garden. Canning food thankfully, is something I can do pretty easily in the kitchen by using a stool to sit on when I need to get off my legs. You just work around your physical problems because if you just decide you can't do it, then what will you and your family do when there is no food to eat in the winter? Besides, it is good for you to keep pressing on, Good for your confidence and good for your self worth.

Copyright © 2010  Kathleen G. Lupole