A Lifetime Of Changes

 

There comes a time when a person has to accept the reality of their life. Some goals you had planned are never happening. As I think back on my own life I remember goals or dreams I had at one age and then changed them at another age. They were not in line with what I was doing at that time. You are not a failure if you failed to attain that goal. A goal you may have had as a teenager might be something you can never even try to do as you got older. The influences of television, magazines or books sometimes will cause you to have a dream that is not ever going to happen for you. 

Parents may influence you as well as your siblings or friends. What they might want for you might not be anything you want to do but accept it and try. Failing at whatever it was will affect you and the way you think about yourself. It was not right for you to begin with. Aging gives you another outlook on your life. Doing something one way for a number of years and then suddenly you want to change it. People around you may not encourage you or some might. It is up to you in the end. What do you want to do in your life? It is your life. It is your journey. 

I have made many changes throughout my life. Different ages meant different things were happening to me and around me. A lifetime of changes is inevitable. What I was doing at twenty was completely different at forty. I look back at those years and wonder what was I thinking back then? Today I feel they were bad or wrong choices. Maybe though, they were just different and the outcome was not what I wanted or needed. At age fifty I dealt with changes that were the most difficult of my whole life. Yes, even now and the changes that have happened to me at ages sixty and seventy-three were not as difficult as fifty was.

2002 was the year I turned fifty. Along with that came the accident that almost killed my husband. Having to have one of my Parathyroids removed (not that big of deal). My mother's health became much worse and she died later that year. I was also in the process of menopause. It was a very stressful time and I don't know how I got through it. I was living on my Peaceful Forest Homestead at the time and it was a lot of work. I made it through it in one piece. By the time I left there in 2018 my life had taken many changes and continues to this day. 

Now I feel most of the changes in my life have to do with my health. I have had to change the way I do things due to mobility issues. Due to my knees and to Lymphedema and how they affect me. I will go more into those issues in a future post. My whole life I had a car of my own and once I gave that up I felt like I lost my independence. When I moved here to my apartment I chose not to buy a vehicle due to all the expenses associated with it. It was the right choice for me but it is also a burden for finding rides to appointments. I am finding my way through it and doing what I must. A lifetime of changes never ends. I believe change is a daily activity for me. 

Copyright © 2026 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2026 Kathleen G. Lupole

 

Living Your Best Life, Disabilities Included!

Recently I heard someone say that age does not matter if you want to establish new goals. I agree to an extent. If the goals can be attained at an older age or with certain disabilities that we have acquired along the way. For myself, I never saw walkers and mobility chairs being in my future. Obviously I cannot race walk or work out with free weights in a gym (as I used to do in the past). I think it means that you have to change the goals you have. Start doing things you can do at your age or with whatever disability you now have. For some people that leads to depression. They can only do that one thing they used to do. Or used to aspire to do or to become. You have to let go of that dream and create new dreams!

The internet gives everyone the freedom to travel the world online. To research with a click of a mouse. Music or art can be created with a computer instead of a studio. You can start a blog and have it up and online in a few minutes. Maybe I cannot grow food in my own garden now but I can buy it from someone who does. I can make my home comfortable and happy for my rabbit and me. I have never been a real social person to begin with, so life on my own has been very satisfying so far. I am learning to handle my disabilities and live with them. Every day I am working on creating my own so called "normal life" which is not the same for everyone else.

It is true that God has given us only one life. Nobody can dispute that. The common goal everyone should share is to make the best of it. Even if you are poor or in bad health. My own mother was bedridden in her last few years. I know she had become very depressed and bitter about that fact. It did not consume her though. She crocheted 50 beautiful baby sweaters for me to sell on eBay when I needed money. It gave her life purpose and I am not sorry that I needed the money at that time. I think it was meant to be. By helping me, she was helping herself.

Not all disabilities are physically painful, but most are. So dealing with pain and actually accomplishing something can be the most difficult hurdle to clear. If you are married to someone or in a relationship with someone who does not have a disability themselves, that can cause more pain. They don't understand where you are coming from. Or why you have turned into a grumpy person who is hard to be around. Or why you can no longer do your part of the work at home. Or why you left a job or have bills for medical treatments and drugs. Or why you no longer want to be physically intimate. Soon you start feeling like you are doing something wrong. You are not. 

"Jazzy" My Mobility Chair

I have always written out goals or a "to do" list, whatever you want to call it. Big goals farther away. Little steps to reach those goals. Try to focus on what you need or want in your life and go after it. Now that I live here alone, I can do what I want and other people are not causing me neglect a goal. If I do that, it is me, my own fault! I will not blame someone else or the circumstances. Today write out about five long term goals. Then write smaller goals that you have to do first to attain those long term ones. Put it up where you will see it every day. Then read it over and over, every day, all day long. Let it sink into your brain. Good luck!

Copyright © 2021 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2021  Kathleen G. Lupole

Stepping Out Of Your Comfort Zone

A year ago, I was dreaming about moving into my own apartment. Now I have lived here for a few months less than a year. I have not looked back. How could I? It was a good move for me and my situation. Until I moved I felt like my life was over. That I was just waiting to die. I felt unhealthy and depressed. Now I am feeling energized almost every morning. I get up and say to myself, "what shall I do today?" A big perk of living alone is the freedom to do whatever you want to do every day. I admit to spending a lot of time on the computer. Not just social media. I have been working on my family tree for a number of years. Just recently, I went back to Flickr and I enjoy that site too.

I understand that some people do not like being alone and need people around them. Actually I live downtown in a small city and there are people all around me. In my apartment building, with 32 apartments, it is like living in a neighborhood where you know everyone. For the most part, we all get along and are friendly. It is not the type of place where someone is at your door all day long. For me though, I have always been an introvert and being alone has never been difficult for me. I love it and never get bored by having nothing to do. Mostly because I never have nothing to do. I am always working on something.

I had been seeing many inspirational posts about living the life you desire, you must step outside your comfort zone. Comfort zone? What is that anyway? I have learned that your comfort zone is not the same as mine or anyone else's. It has to be defined by YOU! I had to confront my comfort zone little by little. I could not just do it all at once. Make a list of what you would like to be doing in your life in the next five or ten years. Then cut it down into little steps by each year or months. Find the first step and then pursue it.

The comfort zone for me, for many years was being a wife and mother. Staying home and not working out in a regular job. Once my son was grown up and I was on my own, life was never easy for me again. I should have found some direction for my life at that time but I got sidetracked by marrying an alcoholic........and I did not even drink! What was I thinking? I did manage to get out of that and went on. My life though was to be difficult and it was usually due to financial complications. Waiting until I could draw my Social Security then allowed me to step outside that comfort zone (which was not very comfortable!). Having my own money made a difference.

Your goals do not have to be very big or outlandish. Like saying you want to marry a billionaire or become a rocket scientist. It can be simple like wanting to meet someone to go out to dinner or to movies with. Or signing up for volunteer work or getting a part time job. I have been taking my goals off my list as I accomplish them and then add new ones one. I had some major issues that I needed to get done as soon as possible so that is where I began. Now I am finding it easy to step out of my comfort zone. Try it!

Copyright © 2019 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2019  Kathleen G. Lupole

Updated 2023

Happier Times Ahead

Losing myself was easy to do,

just following along, living in the moment,

not remembering what I was about.

Not making goals of my own,

or plans, I had forgotten,

for good it seemed, never mentioned again.

At times I glimpsed those dreams, in times of sadness,

a sadness that never completely left.

I wondered why, when I had it all,

or so I thought at that time,

my life had changed and I felt abandoned.

Instead of crying over what was, 

or what had changed, or why.

I decided to make my life

the way I choose, now.

Not to sit and cry or be sad,

take those steps and break away.

Cut that rope that binds me, as soon as I can.

Make my own life by myself,

dependent on no one.

Bring back my health, I know I can.

Build my friend network and laugh again,

laugh with friends, laugh with cousins,

have some fun for a change.

I am done with being sad forever,

for never having a friend,

or just not having a free day

a day to do what I want without

worrying about what someone else will say

I am done with watching my words

to not say something in a tone of voice

that someone might take the wrong way

Hoping for freedom from this life,

wishing it would come tomorrow.

I need to find myself and in doing so,

I will find happiness once again.

Once I started working on a plan,

I got excited to think I could do this.

It is really going to happen.

Now nothing will deter me as the time nears,

sorry to cause pain and hurt in doing so.

but I must do what I must do.

Have to stop putting my life on hold,

because of feeling sorry for someone.

My life was wasting away,

day by day, locked in a prison of despair.

Now I have something look forward to,

a life of joy and independence.

I can't wait.

Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole

My End of the Year Rituals

Snowfall at Peaceful Forest

This time of the year is when I take stock of all I have done through out the year. I make a list of all I accomplished. The many projects my husband worked on and completed. The success or failure of my garden (this year it was a success). Added to that is how much food I was able to can or put away for our winter time meals. Since there is only the two of us here now, we will definitely have enough for a couple more years.

Raised beds hidden in the snow

I keep a notebook on all these things to remember for next year. Constantly, I am adding new goals for our garden, as well as for projects to work on. Homesteading is an on-going thing. It is never completed. That is not something to be sad about. I like it that way. It keeps everything new and moving along. I like to see changes and improvements.

Home Canned Winter Squash

One big success was the addition of many jars of vegetables and apples to our pantry. This year, I will not have to purchase any vegetables at all unless I want to make salads. Every year it is important to me to eliminate a food category if I can grow it. My ultimate goal is to buy in bulk all our ingredients, such as baking supplies and some others that are NON-GMO verified.

Snow covered Pine tree

I will be spending the next couple of months studying my new seed catalogs. I know that all the seeds I buy now, will be heirlooms and NON-GMO seeds. I feel good knowing I can do this for us and then save our seeds for the future. Have a very Merry Christmas and a happy shopping season!

Copyright © 2014 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2014 Kathleen G. Lupole

Life Is What You Make It!

Truck Trail leading out of the state forest.

Our Peaceful Forest Homestead is completely surrounded by the Ludlow State Forest. This is one of the most beautiful forests in our area of New York. In fact, that is why so many hikers take advantage of the Finger Lakes Trail which runs right through this forest and on both sides of our property. It is nothing new to hear voices of hikers as they make way along the trail. Our horses get excited by the sound of the voices hoping to catch a glimpse of the hikers, but sadly, they are not in sight of our homestead. I guess it is pretty isolated out here for our three mares.

Truck Trail turns into Enggaard Road.

Living out here has been good for me. It has taught me how to survive in conditions that I would have normally never encountered. My life before this move was pretty normal along with everyone else's type of lives. I remember our mothers especially, tried to discourage us in moving here and living this lifestyle. They were afraid we'd have a "hard life." Well, to tell the truth, I felt my life was always hard before this change. My life always seemed centered on things that were others' choices,  not my own. What about your choices? Are they really your choices? You count too, you know!

I have a close friend who has had the desire to live the homesteading lifestyle ever since I have known her. She has tried to achieve it over and over. She will move out into the country and stock her pasture with sheep and goats. She will add chickens and angora rabbits to her little homestead. She is a spinner and knits and crochets beautiful things. She will make delicious goats' milk cheese. Yet constantly puts herself down, saying that she is not a homesteader for some reason or other. She is hung on those little rules. There are NO rules. Just the limitations we put on our ourselves. Do you do that to yourself? Do you say you can't do something until (put whatever here)?

Enggaard Road becomes a seasonal road as it goes into the state forest.

If you put your life in God's hands he will help you. I believe strongly in the power of prayer. I use it daily. I even use the "praying without ceasing" method, where I just pray all day long about something. Even while I am working. So if you really desire something in your life you will suddenly find it there or the possiblity of it. I have seen that happen many times in my own life.

The saying, "life is what you make it," is so true. I met a couple from Virginia who have followed me since my first article in Countryside magazine, which was some years back. I think 2002. They came out here to meet us a couple of years ago and they became friends. We keep in touch. Well I have seem them purchase their own homestead recently. It is awesome to see this take place. To feel that in some small measure, I influenced them to take the steps to get what they both desired. They found a way to do it! Can you find the way to do what you really want to do too?

The hay field running along Enggaard Road. I love this field!

Whatever you want to do, you must start doing something toward that goal. Don't put it off. Start small and then little by little, do more. If it is something as simple as cutting your budget, losing weight, having a family, starting your own business or becoming a self-sufficient modern homesteader..........just make a list of how you can achieve it and get started down that road. Now....... is all you can count on in life!  Don't live in the past or the future. That past is gone, so don't dwell on what might have been. The future is coming, so is not here yet, and you don't know what that will bring. The present is here, you know you have today...........so make the best of it!

Copyright © 2010  Kathleen G. Lupole