Friday, April 06, 2018

Waiting For First Light

I arise quietly, to dark and cold,
my house is still and quiet,
the heat from a wood stove,
barely heats the room in its banked
back state. I open the damper to wait,
till the heat penetrates the room.
I turn the burner for the coffeepot on,
waiting to hear the perking begin.
As I wait I watch the dark sky,
waiting for that glimpse of first light.
It shows in the sky before the sun rises.
For some reason I like to watch for it
in the early morn, when the house is still.
Drinking my coffee and planning my day,
thinking, praying and mediating,
a time with no distractions or noise.

I try to find happy thoughts in the day,
maybe it is just a little thing or two,
nothing special to another person,
only to me, little things that make my day.
Such as a nose rub from my bunny boy,
a left over cheese cracker from last night’s supper,
a flower growing along the path
or a crow picking up a scrap on my road.
Simple things, simple thoughts,
make my day start with no stress or upset,
worries that I can’t do anything about.
Start my day with a smile instead of tears,
positive thoughts begin a positive day,
so I hold on to my happy mood as long
as I can. When I am alone I can hold on
much longer, when others disrupt my thoughts
with anger, temper, whining, complaining,
it is hard to remain calm and peaceful.

I once had peacefulness in my life,
but it was never here, where I am now
longing for it for years and years.
People say if you are alone, you are lonely,
that would be wrong for me,
after living most of my life with others,
I found I was most lonely with them.
Being alone means freedom to choose,
what I will do with each minute of my day.
Making the choice to stay up or go to bed,
buying the food I like to eat,
spending my money on what I choose,
I am free to do what I want, when I want,
and to me, that sounds like heaven.

So I contemplate my future from here,
what it will be, when it will start.
How I will do the things I must,
on my own, with no help at all.
Is it possible or is it a dream,
a hope that will fade in time once again?
No! It must not fade, it must not be a hope
at all. It must take place no matter what!
I will fight for my freedom, like a tiger
in a cage. I will not give it up this time,
no matter what. I will plan my future
and follow through, I have the strength
to do this now. I will never be in this position again.
I will be happy, alone and free, not lonely or miserable,
not ever will I be. Life is short and best to choose happy,
over mundane trivial existence, if you can. I can. If I cannot,
then life will not be worth living. I will do this and my future
will be bright, happy and free!

Copyright © Kathleen G. Lupole 2018
All Photographs  © Kathleen G. Lupole 2018

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