For So Long

My heart was sad for so long,

I got used to it that way.

Nothing changed, no matter what,

I did my best, but lost my hope.

Searched for help constantly,

a futile effort it was for me.

Never giving me results,

needing not much to get by,

just a place to lay my head.

A safe home for my stuff,

a happy place to call my own,

for me and my lil’ bunny boy.

Freedom to do as we please.

lights, water running into sinks,

taking showers day and night.

People to meet and talk to,

making friends here and there,

a normal life like everyone else.

Not looking at it from afar,

or wishing I was like everyone else. 

I, not always lived this way,

I am sure I could fit in after a bit,

getting used to modern conveniences,

like always before, no longer secluded,

no one making choices for me anymore.

Doing what and how I please

excites me so much, you wouldn’t believe.

I have been planning this for so long,

never thought it would actually happen.

Someone to talk to, helped make my decision,

pushed me along till it is finally time.

Time to say good-bye to this life,

to live like normal people,

who take things for granted,

they use every day.

Places they go and cars they drive,

not spending months at a time,

without going away from their home.

Soon I will be one of them too.

Never would have gotten this far,

was held back by not having a car.

So kept thinking and writing why,

I needed to do this and hopefully now,

is the time, won’t be too late.

I am determined now to not let anything,

get in my way or stop me,

from walking out that door.

This means the end of my life,

as I have known it, for many years.

It is time to make this change,

for my well being and mental self.

It scares me to death.........

but I know it is something, I must do!

It is the hardest thing I have ever done,

though have been dreaming of it,

forever, and wanting it so bad.

What is wrong with me?

Am I so scared of the fury of the dark man?

Who presides over my life, that the fear

becomes unbearable at times.

Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole

All Photographs Copyright © 2018 Kathleen G. Lupole